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Just like I’d figured out that day I showed up at my dad’s from the airport, for the first time in my life I had had my heart broken. Truly broken. And that took time to… deal with, to learn how to live with the notion of missing a future I’d barely had any time to imagine. To learn how to live missing him.
Because I missed Lucas.
I missed being in love with the idea of love, too.
Because now, I was an engineer turned romance writer who barely survived the most magical and romantic time of the year.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
And yet, I somehow managed to go through Christmas without a breakdown, only leaving the apartment twice—on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day—just to pretend that I was doing fine, that I was kind of okay. And eventually, my inner Grinch and I watched everyone take their trees down and sighed in relief thinking,Well, fucking finally.
And without really knowing how, I miscalculated and ended up faced with everything I had tried so hard to avoid.
New Year’s Eve.
New Year’sfreakingEve.
So here I was, in the middle of the fanciest party my best friend had managed to find, clad in a cocktail dress and a pair of high heels she had picked out for me. Holding a flute glass that she had placed in my hand. And trying and failing to smile at all these people drunk with hope and new resolutions.
“More champagne, Rosie?”
“Sure,” I absentmindedly answered, nodding my head. “I might as well drown it.”
Lina snickered. “Drown what?”
Sad Grinch Rosie. “Nothing.” She refilled my glass, and I noticed the bottle in her hand. “Where did you get that bottle from?”
“Contacts.” She smiled, pouring golden liquid until it reached the brim. “Now drink up.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What about your glass?”
“Oh.” She waved a hand, and I noticed that she didn’t have a glass in front of her. Had she been even drinking tonight? Heck if I knew. “The champagne is just for you, bestie. So you loosen up a little.”
My eyes turned to thin slits.
Lina rolled hers. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m not trying to get you drunk.” A pause, then she muttered under her breath, “Trust me.”
Before I could even attempt to parse that last part, Aaron reappeared. He placed himself behind his wife, just like he always did, snaking an arm around her in that organic and natural way that would have made two-months-ago-Rosie swoon. Sad Grinch Rosie sighed and averted her eyes.
Without any kind of warning a memory flashed: Lucas, standing behind me, just like Aaron did with Lina. But we hadn’t been at a fancy party; we’d been in my kitchen, cooking breakfast, and Lucas had been laughing, the sound rumbling out of his chest and making me smile.
Ugh.
Would I ever stop missing him?
What was I even doing here?
Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. Fifteen minutes until midnight. And I was giving myself sixteen before I left. I’d give the woo-hoo to the new year and then scatter. That was all I promised Lina and myself.
I glanced at my best friend, finding her looking at me with a big, scary smile.
“Hmm…” I said, frowning. “What are you grinning about?”
She didn’t answer, and slid my glass closer to my hand.
The people around us started shifting, the atmosphere growing restless as they looked for that person they’d be kissing at the end of the countdown.
I grabbed the glass and tipped it back, emptying it in one gulp.
