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A: I love you Mami
Me: I love you too Papi
A: I hope this works out
Me: What, us?
A: Yes us
Me: Me too baby
That night, I go to sleep with an ache of longing in my chest. I project out, picturing what my future with Alejandro might look like. I imagine if we stay together for the long haul, he’ll be gone often, and I’ll be alone like I am now. Is it worth it, the long distance, the many nights alone? I don’t know how I’ll feel down the road, to be honest, but right now, he’s worth it. I’m too attached to let go anytime soon. Hell, maybe never. I took a chance with my heart the day I decided to respond to that message on the dating site, and there’s just no turning back now. I have to see this through or I’ll always wonder what if.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and it takes a couple times before I realize it’s not just a text or notification responsible—someone is calling.
My heart lurches, and I reach to grab it. Alejandro’s name lights the screen and I swipe my finger across it to answer. “Hello?” I say groggily. There’s a shuffle and then the line goes dead.
I sigh, then briefly debate dialing him back, but I’m still recovering from the rush of seeing his name. And I’m not fully awake yet. I take a moment to catch my breath…and that’s when he starts texting.
A: Buenos dias Mami
Me: Hey baby. Sorry I just missed your call
A: You still sleeping?
Me: Not anymore lol
A: Get that ass out of bed lol
Me: Why don’t you come over here and make me
I laugh as I hit send. It’s a tease, but it’s also a request. I really do wish he was here to make me.
A: How did you sleep?
Me: Okay. Better if you were here
A: I miss you
Me: I miss you too
I feel like we’re always going to be saying that. Missing him is becoming a common theme in our relationship, but I guess I’d rather miss the man I love and know it’s just a matter of time before we’re reunited than never see him again at all.
Alejandro and I exchange a few more texts and, of course, pictures. I swear, it must be love if I’m willing to reveal my face without makeup and a full case of bedhead. Thank God he isn’t here to experience morning breath. That’s where I draw the line.
Once I finally drag my butt out of bed and shower, I launch into the morning routine of getting the kids up and ready for school. It’s an hour-long process of constant reminders and idle threats, then the five-minute roundtrip to school and home again only to waste too much time downloading songs for my iPod before I start cleaning.
“Diles” is first on my list, and I listen to it on repeat a few times, calling up all sorts of memories of my times with Alejandro. Handprints on the car window. Whispered words and promises. Quiet kisses, breathless pleas, sweat-slicked skin, and late-night conversations, among other things.
I smile so much and for so long, it’s a wonder my face doesn’t hurt.
When I finally sit down to start working, my mind is on overload. Images of the past couple of months that are always playing on the surface of my mind become my inspiration, and I know that the projects I’ve been working on won’t be the center of my focus unless I can somehow purge these thoughts.
So, I pull up a new Word document and start writing.
The day blurs by, my thoughts focused so intently that I don’t even notice the hours pass. If my stomach wasn’t grumbling, drawing my attention, I’d probably sit in front of the computer all day without a second thought.
I’m thankful for the hunger, though. On my way to the kitchen, I glance at the clock and curse. The girls are out of school in a matter of minutes, and I’m still in my pajamas.
