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Returning to normal after being with Alejandro is like eating plain vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life after having sampled all the other flavors available—mundane, ordinary…blah. All I can think about is what happened in that car…and what came afterward.
It was a good thing we stopped when we had, because once again, we hadn’t used protection. Alejandro and I can’t seem to keep our heads around one another. We’re playing with fire, and we both know it. So, before he dropped me back off at home, I made him promise to pick up some condoms for next time—better safe than sorry.
He had to leave straight after, the nature of his job sending him back out on the road. But he’ll be back in a couple days to finish what we started.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. After the last time, I can’t help wondering if this is the last time I’ll see him. But he did come back, so I’m trying to stay positive. The thing is, I’m not nearly done with that man. I’ve only scratched the surface...
I trudge through the rest of the day. Knowing that my ex will be coming by for a visit later is something I dread. As I begin putting together ingredients for dinner, I can’t help thinking of how stark the difference is from where I was emotionally a month ago versus now.
Before I met Alejandro, I was miserable, stuck in a permanent state of melancholy and just barely making it through the days. Life after Alejandro is like night and day. I can see a future without my husband, and I’m actually looking forward to it. The unknown isn’t as terrifying as it used to be—if anything, it’s exciting.
The kids walk in the door after school, their father in tow. I barely look up to greet him, as I’m not feeling very warm or inviting toward him today. I don’t hate the man, but I don’t much like him either. He, as usual, is oblivious to the amount of pain and trauma he’s caused. There’s only one reason I allow him to come to the house for his visits: the kids refuse to be alone with him. Everything I do, I do for them. I would walk through fire to spare them pain, and so a few times a week, I have to spend time around the man who dropped a bomb on my life and know that he’s off screwing a girl barely older than our son and acting like a teenager again, while I’m left to deal with all of the responsibilities of raising our children alone.
The resentment cuts deep.
Yet I’m in a good mood for once, because I have the man I love back in my life. I feel like I’m finally gaining some traction. I just hope it sticks this time.
“What are you making?” Mark asks as he lifts the lid on the pot on the stove and peers inside.
“Tacos.” I smile out of habit when he looks up at me.
“Mmm. Are they ready?”
“Yep.” I grab plates and set everything out. Mark helps himself, as always. He still behaves as if this is his house, even though he’s been gone for almost seven months. What irritates me most, is how he avails himself of everything—including my room when he thinks no one is paying attention. My privacy is laughable in his eyes. Again, another thing I try my best to shoulder—for the kids—even though I really want to lay into him. Dealing with him should qualify me for sainthood, given what I put up with.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” he asks when he notices I’m not following suit.
“I’m not hungry right now.” I head into the living room, wanting some distance from him. Like a shadow, he follows. This is a pattern for Mark. He says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, but like a child, he’s attached to my hip.
“You better not be starving yourself.”
I glare at him. “I eat.”
“I don’t see you eating.” He scans my body, noting my thinner frame with judging eyes.
If I thought I could get away with it, I’d punch him in the face. He’s the main cause for the significant weight loss. When he left, I was so sick, I couldn’t stomach food. It took several weeks before I could start eating normally again, but by then, my stomach couldn’t hold as much as it used to, so I kept losing weight. Now, I exercise daily, so to say I’ve changed is an understatement.
On the flip side, Mark is fatter than I’ve ever known him to be. The weight I lost, he found. Idly, I wonder if the mistress enjoys his ever-widening ass. When they first met, he’d been in peak condition, working out daily. The difference is like night and day.
“Anyway…” I say, infusing my voice with the irritation I feel.
Turning the television on, Mark invariably finds the sports channel and eats while I fiddle around on my phone. I hope for the kids to come down soon, but they’re taking their sweet time settling in. I wouldn’t normally care how long it takes them to change their clothes, but I could use the buffer.
While reading a news article on my phone about a newly-discovered Greek mosaic, a text from Alejandro pops up on the screen. The buzz catches Mark’s attention, and his head snaps around. He’s highly attuned to everything I do, for a man who has no interest in me.
I can’t keep the smile from my face, and I don’t try to. Immediately, I open the text and read it.
A: I miss you.
Me: You just left lol
Me: I miss you too <3
A: What are you doing?
Me: Talking to you.
