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“When?”
“Almost two months ago.”
He grows quiet again, staring at the television, but I can tell he’s unfocused.
My phone buzzes again, and I give Alejandro my full attention.
A: What would you say if I asked you to move and be closer to me?
I’m shocked for a moment. I wasn’t expecting that question, but as with all things, when it comes to Alejandro, I have to be honest.
Me: We’d have to be together for a while before I can say I’d follow you anywhere.
Despite what I’ve just told him, inside I want to say yes. So bad. But things with Alejandro move fast—almost too fast—and I need to find my head somewhere. I’m not a kid anymore, and I have three of my own to consider. Plus, I highly doubt Mark would approve.
A: I like how you answer. I know you not crazy.
Me: Well I don’t know about all that lol
A: You’re not
Me: How can you be sure?
A: Instinct
I like how he answers. He seems so sure of me, and I need that right now.
Me: What would you have done if I said yes
A: I would love you forever
Of course, my screwed-up mind jumps to conclusions right away. Had I said yes, he would love me forever, so does that mean he won’t because I said no? I need to take a chill pill before I seriously lose my mind. Mark has turned me into a crazy person.
I become aware of Mark staring at me, and I turn off my phone. He uses the opportunity to launch into fifty questions, all about who Alejandro is, where he’s from, how tall he is, if he has kids, what he does for a living, and more. Then he has the nerve to tell me to “be careful.”
“I’m always careful, Dad,” I say with plenty of snark.
“Just make sure you use protection. Don’t go being like your sister.”
My sister has made her share of mistakes in life. She’s not exactly the best decision maker, and it’s made her life more difficult than it needs to be, but we’re not one in the same, and after seventeen years together, he knows this. So, he’s just being a dick, and I don’t appreciate it. Besides, who is he to judge? My ire is piqued.
“You know what, Mark, I’m an adult and I don’t need your opinions or advice on how to live my life. I’m living it just fine already, thank you very much.”
“Well, you know what I’m saying.”
“Yeah, I do, and might I remind you that you weren’t exactly safe in all of your exploits. You didn’t for once think of me or the kids when you were off fucking everything that walked, were you? So, don’t sit here and tell me how to run my life.”
He seems shocked that I would speak to him like this, but he needs to realize that he no longer has a say in my life. He’s the one who walked out, and therefore, he’s forfeited any right to commentary, as far as I’m concerned.
“Fine, but I have a right to know who my kids are going to be around,” he argues.
“If and when they are, then you’ll know. Until then, what I do and who I do it with is none of your business.”
At that, Mark takes his plate and walks out of the room. I hear his footsteps trail upstairs and a moment later the door to the bathroom closes.
It’s Mark’s favorite place. It’s where he spent most of his time before the split nurturing his affair. So the next time a man says he’s just pooping, I’ll break the fucking door down and make sure with my own eyes.
My trust, I guess, is nil.
