AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her face lit up. “About that. Messing with that man is proving to be much easier than I thought.”
“Did you really write him a gigantic note in purple crayon? My old man said he freaked the fuck out.”
She grinned. “When we were in grade school, he used to trade all the crayons in his box for different shades of purple. He’s weird in a lot of ways. In the note, I reversed everything he ever demanded of me. I told him that he was to stop looking at me as his property, trying to find me when I leave town, calling me, e-mailing me, sending me gifts, and about a dozen other things. The purple crayon was a reminder of how the other kids used to tease him. I guess my little reminder must have hit the mark.”
“Oh yeah, he took the stupid thing to the police, and they basically laughed in his face.”
“Good, because when they find him trying to contact me, they’re gonna know the extremes I went to in order to get him to stop.”
“That’s real smart, baby girl. What other stuff have you been doing to him?”
“Anything I can think of,” she said with a lift of her chin. “Let’s see, I sent him a picture of a gingerbread boy with a message written on the back. He would have had to put it together to read about how I’m finished running from him.”
“That was bold,” Ryder said approvingly.
“I sent him an envelope of gingerbread men with all the heads cut off just for funsies,” she continued. “I sold his mail, steamed open all his letters, and wroteI’m not runningacross the front of all the pages. Then I glued them shut again and shoved them in his box.”
“Shit, woman, you aren’t taking any prisoners.” Ryder had to admit, he was impressed.
“I mailed a dog chain to his office with a picture of a man wearing it, too. Then I paid some neighborhood kid to drop cut-out pictures of birds all over his front porch, you know, to remind him about the dead birds his crazy security guy left on our porch. Then I picked up a bunch of stray cats and leashed them all the way down his front fence along with a poster proclaiming crazy cat lover willing to part with beloved pets.
“I sat in a tree across the street eating an apple while about a hundred people beat his door down complaining that he had them in the cold and what a horrible person he was for tying up animals that way.”
“Jesus, Tiffany.”
“Don’t worry, baby,” she said, reaching out to cover his thigh with her warm, soft hand. “I called a no-kill shelter and had them all picked up. They’re safe and sound.”
“I meant, you’re pushing the crazy fucker too far,” he reprimanded lightly.
“Maybe the crazy fucker needs to be pushed.”
Tiffany and Ryder swiveled their heads around at the same time to find her mother standing there with a pot roast.
“I mean it,” Sarah said as she entered the room. “Sometimes fuckers need to be taught a lesson.”
Tiffany pressed her lips together to keep from laughing. “Well, Mom, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you drop an F-bomb. You say the word like it’s part of a foreign language or something.”
She set a large platter on the table before speaking. “To be quite honest, I just felt like trying something new. Not sure how I feel about it, but the fact remains that Mr. Chamberlain does need to be taught a lesson. Tell him about the other day with the water guns, Tiff. That was really funny.”
Ryder cursed under his breath. “When in the hell do you have time to sleep, princess?”
Grinning, Tiffany scooted her chair closer. “I picked up a case of super soakers from the local warehouse club and handed them out to all the kids in the neighborhood. Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped. “They were a really good deal because it was the end of the season. Anyway, every year we have a block party for the kids. I sent Stuart a specially engraved invitation.”
“Let me guess, when he showed up, they swarmed him,” Ryder deadpanned.
Nodding, he could tell that she was trying not to smile. “He such a pompous jerk, I didn’t even have to encourage them much. Even the high school bullies got a piece of the action.”
Ryder covered her hand with his. “I don’t even feel sorry that you’re turning the table on the stupid fucker.”
“Me either.”
Glancing up at Mrs. Donovan, Ryder realized she’d filled the table with food. His father and Hickory slid into empty seats after Hickory held out Sarah’s chair like the gentleman Ryder knew he wasn’t. Shooting the man a dirty look, Ryder decided they were going to go a round or two if he tried anything with Tiffany’s grieving mother.
“Mister Hickory, would you carve the roast?” Sarah requested sweetly.
“I’d be happy to, ma’am.”
Shoveling food into his mouth like a starving man, Ryder didn’t realize how hungry he actually was. He vaguely realized that Tiffany was slipping food onto his plate. Barely looking up, he mused out loud, “I’m worried the stupid fucker is going to pop. I don’t want you alone where he can get to you.”
