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“What’s that?”
“Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.” I also consider the saying that anyone who gossips to you having no problem gossiping about you. Colleen may not realize her current hot topic is about me, but I do, and it puts me on high alert to be even more careful around her than usual.
Colleen huffs as if bothered or annoyed by my comment, and she doesn’t speak another word as she finally gets to work. I can’t say that I’m excited to continue with this day. It feels as if the whole office is a ticking time bomb now. I don’t know who is watching and listening or who is behind the carrying of tales. Everyone is suspect, and I can trust no one.
I’m careful the rest of the day, making no moves to try to seek out Niles. If I do, I’m afraid prying eyes and ears will notice, and then they’ll have a face to add to their gossip page. After that, there will be no such thing as privacy, something I value greatly in my life.
It shines a spotlight, though, on how delicate this situation I’ve found myself in is. If I decide to try to be with Niles, Dean, and Shane like I thought, then I have to consider the social ramifications too. People won’t take kindly to our arrangement. They’ll judge us swiftly and harshly. While the world is waking up to the differences in their fellow man and becoming more accepting, embracing people whose lives don’t match their own, we’re still a long way away from total acceptance. My guess is that a polyamorous relationship is scraping the bottom of the barrel on that list of things society is warming to right now, so I’d have to be ready for all kinds of criticism and rejection.
Hell, even my own mother wasn’t able to hide her shock and disapproval. But to her credit, she didn’t outright shun me like some might do to their children when their lifestyle doesn’t end up matching what they envisioned for them. At least she was willing to listen and accept me on the surface. She was willing to make a concerted effort. Maybe that had more to do with Gram’s acceptance and even encouragement, I don’t know, but I know that it could have been worse. I fear I may be facing that “worse” now if I continue down the road I’ve decided on.
Closing on the end of the workday, I find myself with a light load of papers to file and decide to spend my remaining minutes on the clock scrolling through my phone. Facebook notifications call to me and after checking them, I end up searching for this group Colleen is part of. I find it under Fairweather Corp. Friends and consider joining. Do I really want to be associated with a bunch of people who stab each other in the back for kicks? My curiosity is eating at me though, wondering how much more they know about my life.
Nothing. They know nothing of importance; otherwise, Colleen would have been spilling the beans all over our cubicle this morning.
I close the app and tuck my phone away in my purse, refusing to give it another though. Gram was right when she said I can’t allow others’ opinions to determine my course in life. They’re not the ones living it. Meaning, whatever direction I decide to ultimately go in, I have to make sure it’s something I can live with. Otherwise, I’ll never find my happy place.
“Are you going to the party tonight?” Colleen asks as we ready ourselves to leave for the day.
I’m standing in our small, intimate space, my chair pushed back behind me, while I thread my scarf around my neck and into a loop so it hangs shorter and I won’t trip on it on the way out.
“Party?” I didn’t know there was a party. I’d assumed since the holidays were over, all of the parties had already been done.
“Yeah, for New Years. Jocelyn was supposed to host it again this year but she got the flu, so we had to postpone it. But it’s back on now. There’s a masquerade theme.”
I glance back at her and Colleen’s face is glowing with excitement. “It’s short notice. I don’t have a mask.”
“Oh, you don’t need one,” she says, waving the notion away. “Jocelyn has thought of everything. There will be masks at the door. You just need to bring yourself. Dress is casual, you know, since the holidays are over, so no need to dress up or anything either. It’s going to be chill.”
One thing I’ve noticed about Colleen—well, one more thing—is that she thinks she’s younger than she is. Either that, or she thinks she’s still living in the 90s. I bet her kids want to hide under rocks.
“Oh, okay then. Sounds fun.”
“So you’ll be there?” I feel like I’m going to let her down big-time if I’m not. It’s almost creepy, because I don’t really consider Colleen a friend, but it’s obvious she thinks I am.
“Um…”
“Oh my God, come, please!” She lunges at me, grabbing my hands and pleading with her eyes and words. Friends or not, I feel a sense of obligation to say yes, like if I don’t, I’m going to ruin her night.
“I guess I could make an appearance—”
“Yes! I’m so glad. It’s just not a party without Ellenore there to spice things up. Swear you’ll be there?”
I cringe at the use of my full name. “As long as you never use my name like that again, I swear.”
She giggles and draws me in for a big but thankfully brief hug. “You got it, girl. I’ll text you the directions. See you tonight!”
I’m already regretting including my number in the office-public phone directory that was designed for people who needed a backup replacement in an emergency when in reality it’s used for anything and everything but. Please, someone, shoot me now.
