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“In a way I did. I felt like I mourned more what I thought we had the first month we dated, the possibility of what could have been.”
Alaric nodded.
“What might have been,” he echoed. “Miles died outside of Chamonix in France?”
The lingering sense of nausea that was never far away spiraled upward and shot into her throat. She swallowed hard, noting his eyes flickering to her throat.
“Yes.”
“A car accident.”
He stumbled on his way to the car. Dropped the keys on the ground. She knew he was too drunk to drive, knew she should stop him. But she didn’t. Because she was a coward.
“Yes.”
He was fishing. She’d seen him use this tactic plenty of times in meetings, at political dinners, with his own father. He was good...very good at portraying himself as the one with all the answers.
She debated for a moment. If she gave him part of the truth, perhaps it would be enough to get him to back down.
“Miles was drunk.” She looked down, allowing the guilt she lived with every day to finally show. “I...we were at a party at a friend’s chalet. He grabbed the keys and slapped me when I suggested I drive.” She rapidly blinked away the unexpected tears burning behind her eyes. “He was angry that I suggested he not drive in front of his friends.”
“We do a background check on all of our employees. Miles’s death showed as part of yours. I never saw anything about him being intoxicated.”
“When you have parents as wealthy as Miles, you can make the police and the media say whatever you want.”
Thank God she’d had the wherewithal to get a copy of the toxicology report before they’d manipulated the truth, tried to paint her as the perpetrator of the accident.
Although it wouldn’t have been far off.
Sympathy shone in Alaric’s eyes, as if he finally understood her.
If only you knew the whole truth. Would you still want to make love to me? Have a child with me when I cost someone his life because I was too weak to stop him?
“You feel guilty for not stopping him.”
She wanted so badly to tell him. But what if he looked at her not with the tenderness of last night but with disgust? Daxon’s affairs and Celestine’s partying were nothing compared to a young man losing his life.
“Yes.”
The choke in her voice was real. She didn’t relive those minutes as often as she used to. But certain anniversaries, like his death and their wedding, brought them back with vivid force, along with a list ofshould have done thisandcould have done that. She could have not married Miles. She should have put her foot down about him driving that night. She shouldn’t have grabbed the wheel...
“I’m sorry, Clara.”
“Thank you.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. I needed to focus on something else. Although it helps.”
“It does?”
“Yes. Being able to talk. Being with someone who understands the complex pain of losing someone you don’t really like but will still mourn in a way after they’re gone.”
A storm of emotions descended on her. A sense of freedom at having finally shared a small part of her story. Pride that she had at last had enough confidence to speak.
But beneath that little thread of light churned something far darker and dangerous: fear. She’d opened the lock on her past and let Alaric see inside. Eventually, she would have to tell him everything. It was the right thing to do and, after what he’d shared about the impact his father’s scandalous behavior had had not just on the country but on Alaric and his mother, he deserved to know what had happened, to prepare in the event that the truth of Miles’s accident ever came out.
She would have to...but not just yet. Alaric had revealed the effects Daxon’s and Celestine’s behavior had had on his views toward love and romance. He would never be able to let himself care for her the way she was coming to care about him.
But he did feel something, some sort of affection and respect that had strengthened over the course of their honeymoon. If she revealed the full truth too soon and, worse, that she had concealed so much from him, would he ever be able to forgive her? Would their fledgling relationship survive, or would it be crushed under the weight of her deceit before it had a chance to grow?
