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4
CARLY
I’d say the second-most beautiful.
I can still hear the words in Austin Bridger’s deep rich voice.
Austin Bridger…
Wow, is he good looking. Dark hair, dark eyes, a sculpted jawline, and that adorable dimple in his chin. And that body…my God.
There’s a good reason I dropped the cloth I was using to wipe Ivory’s face.
Attraction, pure and simple. In fact, attraction is too tame of a word.
More like captivation. It’s startling, and so is he.
Once I turn away from him, I don’t dare turn back until I hear him leave the stable. Then I let out a breath I only now realize I’ve been holding. My nipples are hard. And lower… I never thought I’d feel desire again. Or anything close to this. But now—
I lean against Ivory’s soft body and breathe. Simply breathe.
Dr. Lake said I’d be interested in men again, but I didn’t believe her. No way could I possibly. Not after what I’ve been through.
“It will catch you unaware,” she said during a recent session. “I know you don’t believe me, Carly, and that’s okay. But it will happen. Those feelings are still inside you, and they will return.”
“Soon?” I asked, trembling. I wanted to be normal, to feel like a woman. But it was difficult to trust even Dr. Lake. She hadn’t been there.
“Probably not,” she said, “but it will when you’re ready. Did you get a vibrator like I suggested?”
I warmed at the question. She’d recommended I begin to take back my sexuality by getting a sex toy to use solo. To relearn my body and find pleasure in it. There aren’t any adult stores around—if there were, I’d be too embarrassed to enter, anyway—so I ordered it online.
I nodded.
“Good.”
She didn’t ask what kind I’d gotten or if I’d used it or if I’d made myself come. I was thankful because just telling her I bought one was hard to share. So much harder than everything else I’d divulged. I’d bought one that had tons of five-star reviews, a fancy kind that not only vibrated against my g-spot inside but had a suction-like thing that went over my clit. It… God. I’d been embarrassed and fearful of using it, but the pull on my clit had been so intense it had wrung an orgasm from me before I could even think twice.
I’m trembling. I’m not sure how I kept from doing so in Austin’s presence.
A vibrator is one thing. Austin Bridger is another.
When you’re ready.
I’m so far from ready!
I let out a breath. I didn’t tell Dr. Lake I was considering a one-night stand. A fling. A get-back-on-the-horse night of sex. Ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid. Whatever the term, I want to have it because I worry it will never happen. This feeling. Desire. Attraction. I don’t want it to be me and my sex toy for the rest of my life.
But I am feeling. For Austin Bridger.
He doesn’t know about my past.
He doesn’t know anything about me.
A thrill shoots through me because all I saw was interest in his gaze. Not pity or concern. Not fear of damaging the already broken Carly Vance.
My idea for a fling is growing. Maybe it’s just what I need. A night with a man who doesn’t know about my past. Who wants me. The complete version of me.
If he gives it to me, maybe I can be whole again.
