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8
CARLY
“I tried when I got home,” I tell Dr. Lake the next day at our video chat session before my workday begins, “but I couldn’t recapture the feeling. It was like the vibrator had lost its magic.”
“The vibrator was never magic, Carly.”
“You know what I mean. I couldn’t”—I swallow—“finish.” My cheeks are on fire.
“The vibrator was never supposed to be a substitute for the feelings an actual person can invoke in you,” Dr. Lake says. “It was only to let you learn pleasure by your own hand, that your body isn’t broken. That—”
“I know,” I interrupt. “You’ve told me this over and over. It’s just… I felt something amazing. Truly amazing, and then it got ruined. Everyone knows about me here. I couldn’t have just one moment. One perfect moment before reality broke through.” I shake my head. “I… think I need to leave Bayfield.”
Dr. Lake nods. “It’s an option. What do your parents think?”
I huff. “It’s my decision, not theirs.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “That’s true. You’re twenty-seven, not sixteen. Still, it would be a shock to them to have you move away.”
I roll my eyes, envisioning that fun conversation. “I already know what they think, so I haven’t told them.”
Dr. Lake smiles. “They only want what’s best for you. They love you.”
“I know that, and I love them for it, but last night proved that I can’t be myself here. Austin didn’t know anything about me. He just thought I was a woman who wanted sex. Nothing more. I’m sure he’s been told the truth by now and now he’s… tainted by it, just like everyone else. Just like me. I can’t be the Carly I want to be here.”
“You can’t run away from what happened.”
“I know that. God, do I know that. But no one will let me move on in a town this small. Last night was proof. Chance Bridger interrupted us, stood up for me, and punched his half brother in the face. Because of me and my issues. Then…”
I laugh and rub a hand down my face.
“Then a crowd formed. They knew what was up. Why we were around the side of the bar. I feel like I’m in a soap opera and they got the first glimpse of a new season.”
“It sounds really embarrassing.”
“I’m surprised people didn’t have popcorn.”
Dr. Lake offers a small laugh, and I do, too. I’m not usually into dark humor, but it seems to work in this instance.
“I need to move forward, and…”
“And…?” Dr. Lake prompts.
“I never thought I could want a man after what I’ve been through, but I wanted this one. I wanted him like I’ve never wanted any man. Even before. I’ve never been this intensely attracted to someone.”
“Then why are you thinking about leaving Bayfield?”
“Because by now, I’m sure he knows everything, and he’s not going to want to have anything to do with me.”
“Don’t you think that’s his decision to make?”
“His brother told him to keep his hands off me.” I let out a sigh. “And that’s the whole problem. Everyone—not just my parents—thinks they need to protect me. The head vet at the ranch had me grooming horses and feeding puppies yesterday. Puppies! I enjoyed it, but my God, I feel like I’m in a cage here, and I spent three years being held captive. That’s more than enough for a lifetime.”
“I understand, but I’m going to be honest with you.” Dr. Lake sets down her notepad.
Uh-oh. When Dr. Lake puts down her notepad, she drops a bomb. Always.
“I don’t think leaving Bayfield is a good idea.”
