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Will groaned with impatience and arousal and she proceeded to explore him as thoroughly as he had her. When he couldn’t take it any longer, he pulled her on top of him and watched as she took him, rolling her hips until he thought he would go mad from restraint she asked of him. But watching her face as she climaxed was an indulgence he wouldn’t soon forget. She took his breath away.
When she slumped down, he rolled her over and raised her hips, taking her from behind. She moaned, turning her head to look at him, lips parted with pleasure. She was warm and wet, and he almost lost himself completely. At the last minute, he pulled out and spilled his seed on her back, coming with a guttural cry. He took a moment to recover then fetched a towel, wet it, and cleaned her off. She burrowed under the covers, andhe joined her. Will thought he would fall asleep immediately, but he found he wanted to savor the feel of her head on his chest and her warm presence in his arms.
Gradually, he came to realize she was crying. He tilted her head up so he could see her face and the streaks of tears on her cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m happy.”
“So am I.” It had been a long time since he’d been happy, truly happy, and a long time, possibly never, since he’d felt the way he felt with Emily. She was everything he wanted and hadn’t been looking for. How the devil was he going to walk away from her?
“Why do you have to be so good?” she asked.
Will opened his mouth and closed it again. “I, er—”
She gave him a light slap on the chest. “I don’t mean that. I mean, you are so considerate and caring. It makes it very hard not to fall in love with you.”
Will took a breath, her words sending a shock through him.
She went on, not seeming to notice. “You make sure I’m warm and comfortable, and even in the midst of passion, you think of me and act to prevent me from becoming with child.”
“I care about you,” he said simply, very aware it wasn’t the same as saying he loved her. “I wouldn’t want you to be burdened with the care or scandal of a child.”
She shook her head, the tears falling harder. “A child wouldn’t be a burden,” she said, looking away. “I’ve always wanted a child.” She glanced up at him. “Not like this.” She gestured to the room, but he understood she meant as an unmarried woman. “But when I pictured my future, I always thought I’d be a mother.”
“You and Lord Averley couldn’t conceive?” he asked.
“Not for the first several years of our marriage. But when I was finally with child, we were both so happy.”
Will took a breath, knowing what was coming next. His own parents had struggled to conceive him. Will had known since he was a child how much he’d been wanted and what a miracle they considered him and his sister.
“What happened?” he asked, needing to know but hating the pain the memory caused her.
“The child, a girl, was born too early. I was only six months along, and it happened so suddenly there wasn’t even time to call the midwife. My maid delivered her, and she was so small.” She made a gesture with her hands, indicating how small she’d been. “Her skin was so fine. I could see all the little veins beneath it. But she had ten fingers and ten toes and perfect little eyelids and eyelashes. She never opened her eyes. She never took a breath or cried.”
“Emily, I’m so sorry.”
She turned her face into his chest, and he pulled her close, just holding her for a long, long time.
“I was sorry too. Neither Jack nor I were ever the same after that. We tried again. We had to for the sake of the title, but I think we were both resigned to the fact that we’d never have a child. And then a few years later he became ill and died, and his brother inherited. The current earl has children, two boys already. I don’t need to give birth to a son.”
“But you want to be a mother.”
She looked up at him. “Yes.”
Will pulled her close again. His chest felt tight, and his own eyes stung with unshed tears. He’d been selfish to act on his desires with her. She needed more than a man who would take her to bed a few times then disappear. She needed a husband, a man who could father children with her, a man who could give her his love and loyalty.
But Will’s loyalty was already taken—given to the Crown.
EMILY LAY AWAKE LONGafter Will’s breathing had slowed and his body had relaxed. She knew she should try and sleep as well. She was exhausted and tomorrow would be another grueling day. But despite the lulling sound of the rain and the warmth of the fire and the comforting feel of the man beside her, she couldn’t sleep.
Why had she told Will about the baby? It was something she rarely told anyone. She hadn’t even told her parents when it happened. She’d wanted to mourn privately, wanted the baby to be hers and Jack’s alone for as long as possible. But now Jack was gone, and she was the only one to keep and cherish the memory of their beautiful little girl.
Willoughby Galloway had reacted just as she’d expected. He’d been sympathetic and comforting. She’d wanted comfort, but she’d wanted something else as well. She’d told him she loved him, told him she wanted children. As a gently bred lady, she couldn’t really tell him more directly that she wanted him. Even before she’d confided in him, she’d known she’d be disappointed. He cared about her. He might even love her, but he obviously loved his work more. He wasn’t ready to give it up to be a husband and father.
Well, she wouldn’t beg. She had some pride left. They’d return to London tomorrow. He’d uncover the traitor and be gone. She’d go back to life without him. She could be thankful to him for shaking her out of her mourning, reminding her how she’d loved simple pleasures like the beach at Lyme Regis or a picnic on a sunny day. Mostly, she could be thankful that he’d showed her she could love again.
The rain stopped at some point in the early hours of the morning, and Emily slept. But she woke early, summoned amaidservant who brought tea and helped her with her corset and dress, and she was pinning her hair up when Will sat up in bed.
“Did I wake you?” she asked.
