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“Even if I don’t look like a woman?”
“Just forget I said that, will you? I’ll get used to your youthful looks, even if it means that a few years down the line I’ll look like your father.”
That makes me laugh. “That’s what’s been bothering you?”
He shakes his head. “Look, I have apologized about my earlier faux-pas. I was… nervous. No hard feelings?”
“No hard feelings,” I assure him and repeat that to myself as the afternoon winds on. I learn that he likes to study old battles—an interest not uncommon among princes—and to hunt boar and deer with his friends—again not unusual but nothing I care for—and to practice archery and to drink with his friends…
A lot of activities with his friends. And absolutely nothing I can relate to. Which, my Gods, is not unusual at all when you meet a man and a prince, but I suppose somewhere in my heart I had hoped for common interests, anything we could enjoy together.
I did suggest that I could learn archery and he said that in his kingdom, ladies and princesses did not touch weapons of any kind.
Then I said I could study old battles with him and he laughed.
It made me feel weird. Like I was trying too hard and he thought it amusing. What is amusing about trying to get to know the man one is about to marry? About being interested in his activities?
Lily always said I wasn’t like all other girls. But I am a princess. I have an opportunity most girls don’t—a chance to read, to learn, to discover new things. Most girls my age don’t know how to read, are busy with housework, and have already popped out a few babies.
Is it wrong to want more from life? Why is it okay for him to go drinking with his friends while I sit at home minding our children and organizing his household?
Should I give my token to more princes like he has done, in case one of them is better suited to me?
Okay, so I am still upset about that. How can he imply that he will run to her if I push him away? Are there no feelings involved? And if there are… does it mean he has feelings for her, too?
What sort of feelings are those that you can bestow on more than one girl?
I know how Lily would answer these questions. I know what my mother would say. What everyone would say. And by the end of the evening, I’m still wearing his token, and now his ruby ring as well, allow him to hold my hand and talk about our future life together as if it’s already decided.
My mother looks pleased, all smiles. Iason’s father looks content, drinking too much spiced liquor, his face ruddy. And as for Iason’s sister… I can’t get a good read on her but she seems as displeased by all this as I imagine his mother to be.
Is he a good catch? If his mother and sister don’t want me, what sort of life will I have far away from home? And is that all he is to me, a ticket to another life? I’m starting to think…
Yes, I’m starting to think that it’s him who’s thinking of me as a good catch and nothing more.
And speaking of catch, I think of Adar, hunting fish in the lake, I think of his wound and his curse, I think of his eyes and his smile, and I hold onto Iason’s hand more tightly.
The Grenshaws stay for three days and yet I somehow manage to spend very little time alone with Iason.
Though it’s not my doing. I see him at breakfast but soon after I arrive, he excuses himself to go riding with one of my cousins. He’s not there for lunch but when I see him again in the evening, he’s engrossed in a conversation about hunting with another of my princely cousins. The next day I look for him everywhere only to be told later that he spent his morning with my father, whomInever see, in one of the palace libraries, having drinks and discussing the Great War. And in the afternoon, he vanishes again, apparently to visit the town.
That’s an interest he never shared with me. I could have taken him around town. But apparently he didn’t want that.
“Where did he go exactly?” I insist the next day, and my cousin Willam studies his fingernails. “You were gone all afternoon and evening! Why didn’t you take me with you?”
“Why, do you have to do everything together? Is he your betrothed now?”
“No, I…” I look down at the ruby ring. I wear several rings, so nobody has noticed the new addition. “I just haven’t been able to spend much time with him, Willam. He is visiting so that we can get to know each other better.”
“Ah. That’s… he didn’t say that. We only walked around town, had some fun. Had some drinks. Some girls. You know.”
I gape at him. “You didwhat?”
“We visited a couple of brothels. As all young princes do. He didn’t have sex with any girl, Selina. Stop looking like that. They danced for us, served us drinks. Just a little fun.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh, come on, cousin. Don’t be like that. You know. We’re men. It’s different.”
