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And how selfish is it of me that I’ve encouraged her feelings when there is no future for us?
“I’m not going,” she whispers. “Can’t leave you like this. Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t I notice it was so bad?”
It wasn’t. It has to be the way I dragged myself over the rocks in my haste to get to her, make sure she was all right.
“Go, love. Go back.” It’s getting harder to hold on to the present. The soil doesn’t feel solid under my hands. I feel like I’m sinking into the earth.
“I’m not going to marry Iason. Or anyone else.” She comes to me, caresses my face, kisses me. Her lips feel cool against the fire burning my body. I’m like a hollow log, flames licking at the surface. “I’m going back but I’ll make a plan. Bring people to carry you out of this cursed lake, somewhere where you can heal, where we can be together.”
“You’ll run away with me?”
“I will.”
I smile in spite of everything. “You’re as mad as I am. Mad woman. I love you.”
Tracks glimmer on her cheeks. Is she crying? “Iwillbe back,” she says and kisses me again, salty kisses. “Don’t die. I’ll come back as quickly as I can. Today. I will come back for you.”
But as she hurries away, I have a feeling that everything has changed and is about to change again.
14
SELINA
His pale face, the brave front he’s been putting on, that terrible, terrible wound that looks like it’s about to split him in half… The pain tightening his face.
It all haunts me as I run back to the palace. It tears me apart that I have to leave him like this and trust that he’ll be there when I return, still breathing.
My only thought is to find a healer as I hurry through the town streets, heading for the palace gate. A healer and a place to hide him. Can he stay long outside the water? Will it make it better or worse for him?
I have to try and save him. Not saving him is not an option.
And what are your prospects with him?a low voice whispers in my mind as I rush through the palace, insidiously sowing doubt, a voice that sounds like my mother’s.Half a man. Fatally wounded. Cursed to stay in this form. A creature hunted by humans. Who will dare touch him? Who will want to help him? Who will hide him and not betray him?
Shut up, I tell the voice. He’s more of a man than Iason can ever hope to be.
And maybe I’m a fool, maybe I don’t know how harsh life is outside of a palace, but I do know how he makes me feel. I know that’s not something easily found. Should I give it up for an easy life? Or fight for it as I would fight for any treasure, any person who owns my heart?
I’ll fight for him.
No matter the cost.
How could an easy life and luxury compare to having him alive and breathing? Even if we have to hide forever. Even if I have to work as a maid in a house, scrubbing floors and washing clothes in a stream, my hands hardening and bleeding, my body stooping from the hard work. I know it sounds like I’m taking this lightly, like I don’t see how difficult it’s going to be. But I do know. I’ve seen the servants and the maids; I’ve observed them all my life. I know how privileged I’ve been.
And also, what a privilege it is to find love like this.
But what about a wedding? What about a home? What about children?
Really? I’d trade possibilities with the actual man? I’d marry someone for things that may be instead of the bond between us? I’d give up on him for the chance to have feasts and celebrations, or for a grand house and a horde of children?
I love children. Children are great.
I’d love children with Adar.
Would they be merbabies? With little tails? Would they teach me to swim? Would we frolic around in a lake together, with Adar smiling at me, at us, guarding us as he always does?
I’m going crazy… Or maybe I’m past that. I’m in love and that’s the greatest madness of them all.
“Lily, wait! Lily, where are you going?”
