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The silence in the room grows heavy and expectant.
My face grows so hot it has to be wreathed in flames, like Emrys’ hair. “Uh…”
“Ask her,” Emrys says. “About the bathroom.”
Asshole.
“Okay, what about the bathroom?” Jason leans back until he has his back to the footboard of the bed, beside Ashton.
The tension in the room is palpable.
They’re all looking at me—Emrys, pissed off, smoke rising from the tips of his Mohawk, the others frowning at me.
“Nothing happened in the bathroom,” I whisper. “I followed Emrys from the classroom to see if he was okay—”
“—I ripped off her panties,” Emrys says, a dark grin pulling at this mouth. “Bared her, touched her. And she liked it.”
“It was a favor to him,” I say, my voice trembling. “He said it would make him feel better. That demons feed off this sort of thing.”
Emrys chuckles. The sound makes my skin prickle. “You liked it, girl, so don’t put it all on me.”
“Is that true?” Ashton says. “Mia?”
I want to cry. To rail at them. At Emrys. Why should I feel so ashamed? He did those things to me. And I let him. I did like it. It’s not a crime. It’s not as if anything more happened.
“A sin,”Father’s voice says in my memory.“It’s a sin and you know it.”
I press my hands to my ears as if that will drown out his voice in my head. Jumping to my feet, my vision blurry with tears, I run out of Ashton’s room.
I findmyself running toward the lake. The day is overcast, cloud shadows trailing on the ground as I pound down the path that leads between the trees by the shore.
“A sin.”Sinful thoughts must be punished. Sinful dreams redeemed. Pleasure is offered by the devil to ensnare you.“What did you dream of, little Madeline?”
Shut up, shut up.
The tears are cool on my heated face as I run, the wind drying them as I reach the edge of the water. I hesitate for a second, then step into the lake, hiss in a breath as the icy water enters my shoes, laps at my calves and knees, soaking my pants.
The shock of the cold is welcome. It helps clear my head.
Maybe I shouldn’t have run. I should have faced them down. I ran as if I’d done something wrong but I haven’t. Screw Father’s voice. Pleasure isn’t a sin, and screw them all for trying to make me feel guilty.
Screw Emrys who took what he wanted and is now using it to shock the others. Was touching me really such a big deal to him, like marking his territory?
“Jealous?”Jason had asked him.
Maybe he is.
I gaze at the ripples spreading around me, the wind skimming the surface of the lake, making it shiver, and I try to catch my breath.
Sindri’s“hm”had grated on nerves already raw from Emrys’s attack and their general betrayal. Their accusatory gazes had finished the job, throwing me back into my tiny room at the Church with all the guilt of the world placed on my shoulders, as if I had to expiate for the original sin myself, me of all people.
As if I was meant to save the world.
But I’m not. I’m just a girl on a vengeance trip. And the relief as that weight lifts off me is ridiculous, as I realize that I don’t have to be good anymore. I don’t have to be righteous.
I only have to meet my goal.
A shudder goes through me. Goosebumps rise on my skin. It’s getting cold. Fighting with these boys is a waste of my time.Jerks. But how am I going to take them down?
