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The sorrow and guilt were drowning me. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop picturing John, his smiling face, his laugh, and then how he would have taken his last breath in that vehicle.
Because of that fucking man. I wouldn’t say his name. I wouldn’t think it. He was nothing.
“T-The man who did this….”
“He’s dead,” Dad said.
It wasn’t enough for me. He should have been alive and suffering. He took a good man from his family. From me.
“I know, kid. I wish he was fuckin’ alive too,” Dad said without me saying a word. “An easy death wasn’t enough for him. He deserved worse.”
I nodded into his chest. Was I supposed to feel bad for thinking such things? I didn’t know. I didn’t care. That man did deserve to suffer through more pain, more heartache. Knowing he wouldn’t gutted me.
It wasn’t fair.
He got off easy.
“Kitten, shift back. Gonna lay her back down,” Dad said to Mum. I gripped his tee tighter. “Sweetheart, your nightie is damp. You mighta pulled some stitches.”
I wished I felt the pain. It could numb my head, numb my thoughts. Dad slowly lowered me, and my back tugged, causing me to wince.
Mum pressed the call button as I wiped my face and took a shaky breath. Only new tears welled when I thought of John.
Dad brushed my hair from my face and kissed my forehead. “You’ll get through this.”
I nodded slightly, sniffing and wiping at my eyes. Mum took my free hand in hers and squeezed just as the door opened and a different nurse entered.
“Can you please check her stitches?” Mum asked.
“Of course.” With help from Dad, I leaned forward, my head spinning a little, and the nurse checked them. “They look good, but there has been some bleeding from the gauze moving. I’ll get a new waterproof one.”
“Thank you.” Mum smiled. She looked exhausted. They both did.
When the nurse left, I said, “You two need to rest.”
“Maya—”
“Dad, I-I know I lost it for a bit, but I’ll be okay.” I waved a hand towards the door. “Ruby and Drake are probably out there. They’ll need you.”
Mum shook her head. “Don’t you worry about anyone else but yourself.”
But I did. I would, and really, I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to stress them more than I had. We’d all been through enough. “I need some sleep too,” I tried.
Mum’s lips thinned as she shook her head. “I know, and look, they’re only planning on keeping you in tonight, in case of concussion. Sweetie, I’d like to stay with you, please.”
Mum had probably already guessed my plan to push them away so I wasn’t a bother and could wallow on my own, but she wanted to support me. She wanted to help me, and deep down, I knew I would need and love some type of comfort.
Glancing at Dad, I caught his small nod with a soft smile.
“Okay, Mum. Thank you.”
She waved me off. “Don’t thank me. I will always be here for all of our children.”
“I know.”
Dad’s hand rested down on my arm. “You up for some visitors?” He felt it when I tensed, and quickly added, “You don’t have to have anyone in here if you don’t want.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate their support.”
