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“I’ll take her,” Dad said.
“I’ve got her.”
“Texas, give her over.”
“No offense, but she’s stayin’ right where she is.” Arms tightened around me once more, and one slid up to cup the back of my head.
“Texas—”
“Talon, honey. Come here. Kids, kitchen please.”
Footsteps sounded around me and then silence, except for the sounds I made. I wanted to stop them. I wanted to push Texas away. But everything slammed down on top of me, and I couldn’t do anything but hang on and feel.
Fingers slid through my hair. “You’ll be okay, baby. You will. Let it out, Maya. Give the pain to me.”
I wished I could. I wished it was that easy—to give it away.
It wasn’t. It never would be.
But I wanted to believe him that I’d be okay. It was just that in that moment, I didn’t feel it. I wanted to remember when I told myself I could get through this for me, for my family, but I couldn’t. Not now.
Instead, I let it out. Everything I’d been feeling. The pain I’d locked away over the week, while trying to show everyone I was strong, that I was dealing and getting through this.
I let it all out.
Until I couldn’t cry anymore.
Until exhaustion took over, and sleep finally dragged me under.
CHAPTEREIGHT
MAYA
It was during the following weeks after John’s funeral that things started to change. Mum and Dad had sat me down a while ago and mentioned speaking to someone who specialised in traumatic experiences. At first, I hated the idea. It made me feel like my parents didn’t want to deal with me. But in the end, I knew outside care could help to get me through the ordeal. I needed all the support I could get to learn to live with all that had happened without it overwhelming me.
When they also suggested to talk to Nary or Josie, I shot the idea down. I loved and trusted them, but I wanted someone outside our circle.
During the first appointment with Devlin Grey, I regretted my decision because it started as awkward as hell. He was an older man, at least in his late thirties or early forties. While he had kind eyes and a nice smile, the words were locked inside me. I didn’t know if it was because he was a complete stranger or if I just didn’t want to let what had happened and what I was feeling out.
“… so I killed it.”
His words brought me out of my mind. “Sorry, what?” Tension locked my limbs.
“The spider my daughter was scared of.”
My body unlocked, and I rested back into the chair. “Um, I wasn’t really listening,” I admitted.
His lips pulled up into a compassionate smile. “I know. I figured something I rambled on about would bring you back into the room.” He lifted his leg and rested his calf on his other knee. “I’m wondering why the word ‘kill’ was what did it.”
Tears brimmed as I looked to the side and out the window. I licked my dry lips before I opened my mouth to spill everything that went on that night.
“Can you fix me?” I asked after blowing my nose and wiping at my face.
“Maya, there’s nothing to fix.”
“But… I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop hurting and wondering what I could have done better. I need my mind to stop… to get back to normal.”
“What you were put through was traumatic, Maya. There is no easy way to deal. Something like this will play on your mind for a long time. It’s how we learn to cope with those moments that matter. What you need to know, Maya, is that you did everything you could have.”
