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That shooting stole so much faith I’d once had in the universe, a faith that you didn’t ponder much until it was taken away. It was like with people. It could be easy to trust someone until they showed you otherwise. Trying to earn back trust was so much harder. The universe needed to regain my trust and faith, and I wasn’t sure that was possible.
I didn’t believe I could be the kind of man Alice deserved.
Alice was everything I could want. She was smart with a low-key but sly sense of humor, she was kind, she loved animals, she was down to earth, and she wassofucking sexy and sensual it took my breath away.
If I let her believe in me, she’d realize there was a dark corner of my heart, charred and burned, scarred as badly as the scars on my side where I’d been shot. She might lose faith in me when I didn’t believe the universe could let me love someone. Because, fuck, the universe could break your heart harder than anything. The vagaries of chance were cruel and fickle.
I slept restlessly that night, waking when I heard Alice’s voice. It sounded as if she was miles away. I struggled to break through the confusing haze of my nightmare. My heart was pounding, and my consciousness finally broke through. I was in Alice’s bed, and she was right there. Her hand was on my shoulder as she gently shook me.
My skin was wet and clammy, and the sheets were damp. I felt sick as I dragged my eyes open. Her worried gaze met mine. After my recent nightmare, she’d put a night light in the room when I told her it helped to have a little light.
There was just enough light on my side of the bed — because she made sure to put it there — that I could see her eyes, the worry flickering in them, and the furrow between her brows.
Her hand was still on my shoulder, and she lifted it, smoothing my hair back where it was damp against my forehead. I knew she wanted to ask me if I was okay, but she didn’t. That broke my heart. Because she knew Iwasn’tokay, so her question was unnecessary. It was as if she could see right through me. The blackness along the edges of my thoughts receded. I curled my fingers over the edge of the mattress, gripping it as a way to bring myself back into my body, into this moment.
“Let’s get you in the shower,” she said gently.
She climbed out of bed, rounding it on light feet and reaching for my hands to help me up. I let her lead me into the bathroom, stripping out of my boxers while she started the shower.
“There, it’s hot.” She herded me in and didn’t follow me.
She knew I liked to shower alone when I was like this. This was the fourth time I’d had a nightmare while staying with her. There was a pattern to it now.
She would change the sheets on the bed while I showered. They would be dry and cool when I returned. I didn’t deserve her. Oh, I could go through the motions of everything she did. But my heart didn’t have the depth and breadth hers did. I couldn’t handle loving someone and knowing the possibilities that life could throw her way.
ChapterThirty-Three
Alice
I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Jonah. It was the weekend, and I knew he didn’t have to go to the station. Moments later, I took a quick shower and changed into fleece leggings with a tank top and a flannel shirt. I tiptoed out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me. Honey was waiting for me on her bed in the hallway by our bedroom door.
Ourbedroom door.
I brushed that thought away. I didn’t need to be thinking of it like that.
Honey and I walked outside. Like most dogs, she was a creature of routine. She liked to dash down to the lake. Over the past few days, she stopped going into the water. It was cold and getting colder. This morning, hoarfrost was all over everything, glittering as the sun rays crested above the mountains and melted the frost. After Honey checked out the lakeshore, she did her business over along the edge of the trees, an area we didn’t frequent. It was as if she wanted to be polite. Even then, I followed her and picked it up. There was no need to let dog poop pile up.
After I fed Honey, she liked to sit on the back of the couch and survey the yard. She seemed content to do that for hours. Some mornings, Jonah would be up, but I didn’t expect him up just yet. The few times he had nightmares, he usually slept a full hour later. I imagined his psyche was exhausted from it. I always hesitated to ask more about the shooting. I didn’t need to know more to realize it was a painful topic.
I settled in to work on my laptop, perusing an email Tiffany had sent and plunking around in the new payroll system she had set up. For now, it was just her and me in there, but she assured me we would be hiring a vet tech soon and potentially another veterinarian. I knew I needed to consider officially making her a manager. I planned to chat with Georgia and Natalie about the budgeting plans.
I took a swallow of my coffee just as my cell phone rang. Glancing down, I saw it was a number with a North Carolina area code.
I lifted it, sliding my thumb across the screen. “Hello?”
“Alice Hall, please,” a man said.
“This is Alice.”
“Alice, I thought I recognized your voice. This is Don Williams from the DA’s office in Raleigh. I wanted to call and notify you that we’re filing charges today against Tyler Black.”
A sense of relief rushed through me, followed by anxiety tightening my chest. The feelings were tangled up together.
“Um, okay. What does that mean for me?”
“We’re hoping we will not have to rely on your testimony if he chooses not to plead. We have plenty of evidence with the texts, emails, and photographs. We’re still in the process of coordinating with the clinic regarding the financial charges. As I’m sure you’re aware, it’s complicated because his father is one of the owners. However, the other owners are cooperating and would like to proceed with charges. We’ll keep you posted. Everything you’ve turned over has been very helpful in both situations.”
He paused, and I took a shaky breath. “Is Tyler aware of the investigations?”
