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Finally, he asked, “How was it?”
I wanted to go into everything that happened, but he sounded distracted. “It was good.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you liked it.”
I pushed away the disappointment that he wasn’t interested in hearing how it went. I couldn’t blame him. “Is everything okay with you?”
He chuckled, but it was devoid of any humor. It sounded dry and bitter. “Corey’s juvenile hearing is next week, and Tiffany filed an emergency motion for custody. She wants Corey in Texas as soon as possible. She claims that living with me isn’t good for him.”
I sucked in a breath. “She can’t mean that. She’s just trying anything to get him back.”
“She cited the juvenile case, his trouble at school, and his grades.”
“Yeah, but that was when he first moved here. He’s doing so well now.”
Ryan scoffed. “Will a judge see it that way?”
I tried to latch on to something tangible that he could focus on instead of spiraling with the possible negative outcomes. “What did your attorney say?”
“She said it could be difficult since Tiffany was his primary caregiver for so long.”
I wished we were talking in person so I could see his facial expressions and help soothe him. “Can I come by to see you?”
“That’s probably not a good idea. I have another meeting with Avery tonight because the judge is expected to schedule an emergency hearing for Friday.”
My heart leaped into my throat. “That soon?”
“In her motion, Tiffany said the court must act immediately because Corey’s welfare is at stake,” Ryan said, his voice filling my car. It was full of anguish.
“That sounds like something an attorney would say. It doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“I don’t know. I have no idea how a judge will see this situation.” His words were clipped.
“I want to help,” I said softly, unsure how he’d react.
He was quiet for a few beats and then said, “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I don’t want to suck you into my mess.”
I was already hopelessly falling for him. “You’re not. Iwantto be there for you.”
“It’s not fair to you,” he repeated.
I could feel the walls he was placing between us. Wasn’t it up to me to decide what was fair?
“Listen, Avery’s calling. I have to take this.”
“Of course,” I said, but he’d already clicked off.
There was a gaping hole in my chest, widening with each day we didn’t have a meaningful connection. He was pulling away. Whether it was to protect me or himself, it had the same effect. He didn’t want me to be there for him.
I allowed the pain in. I was that little girl waiting on the window seat, watching for my mom’s car to pull in the driveway. The car that never came. Sure, she visited a few times, but it was never permanent. She never stayed. Each time she left, she left a bigger hole in her wake. Until I finally numbed myself to her.
Would I need to do the same with Ryan? I wasn’t prepared to let go, but maybe I should before he pulled further away. I needed to protect myself. I needed to protect that little girl inside, the one that never stopped hoping her mother would come back for her and stay.
The pain was inconceivable. I’d finally found the guy I could be with, and it wasn’t possible. Logically, I knew it wasn’t my fault if he left, but I couldn’t quite help how I felt.
Abandoned. Left behind. Not good enough for someone to stay. It was irrational, but I was incapable of thinking reasonably right now.
I needed the one person who’d always been there for me. I needed Jake. He was the one I went to when Mom left again, and things fell apart. He would know how to put me back together. I didn’t think about the consequences. Instead of parking at my place, I continued until I got to Jake’s just outside of town.
