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I was good enough for something casual, but when it came to a relationship, I wasn’t the right guy. And fuck if I could figure out what was missing.
“Message received.” I moved toward the door.
“Ben. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant.” I opened the door, resisting the urge to slam it behind me. She couldn’t help it. She was just telling the truth. I wasn’t the right guy for her.
I’d have to ignore this pesky attraction between us.
ChapterEleven
BROOKE
The door clicked shut behind him. My lips still vibrated with the pressure of his lips on mine. I pressed a finger to them, wishing I could recreate that moment when I was lost in him. It was everything I dreamed about on lonely nights when I didn’t think I’d get a second shot at love.
The moment I lifted my gaze to find Ben stalking toward me, it was like everything stopped. Everything was quiet except for the rushing of the blood in my veins.
There was pure intention and desire in his eyes—like he saw me and had to have me. I’d reacted instinctually, lifting my head to meet his lips. When he lifted me so effortlessly onto the counter and stepped between my legs, my panties got wet. I thought I’d detonate right there in my store when he ground his erection against my core.
It was erotic and decadent and everything I hadn’t allowed myself to feel or experience since my screw-up with Levi. I couldn’t trust my desires or my judgment. But with Ben, I’d pushed everything out of my head, wanting to enjoy it. He felt so good. The grip on my hip, the way he cradled my head. He was forceful yet gentle, passionate, and careful. I wanted to let go of everything—my worries, my hesitations, and my past.
But the conversation with the reporter was fresh in my mind. I didn’t want any reason for people to talk about us. Kissing Ben at night, with the lights on when anyone could see us, wasn’t professional. It was reckless.
I’d attempted to date after my divorce only at Abby’s insistence. But it had been a disaster. How could I trust someone when the last guy used me to get his green card? I couldn’t trust anything or anyone.
Especially not Ben. He wanted his business to be a success, and I knew how he was in high school. He’d stop at nothing to get what he wanted. I was just collateral damage, and what better way to distract me than to kiss me? To pretend he was into me. I’d take a step back, not pushing as hard with my business. He’d get everything he wanted, and I’d be left hurting and alone.
I thought I was so smart, but with Levi, I was just another stupid girl who fell for the first guy who showed her attention.
I forced my feet toward the door Ben had just walked through, engaging the lock. Wanting to erase the last few minutes, I turned off the overhead light.
The street was quiet, the sidewalk empty. Ben was gone, and so was the moment we’d shared. I could almost imagine it had never happened. I’d clearly been daydreaming because I was so exhausted from the day.
There was no way it was real, no matter how hard my lips were vibrating or the blood was pumping through my veins. Because there was no way I would have lost control like that. Not with him.
Why Ben? Why now? Why couldn’t I have met a nice guy who worked in an office, who had no ambitions of opening their own business, much less a coffee shop?
I went through the motions of closing everything down. I’d stayed later than usual, sending my other employees home early.
When everything was off, I grabbed my purse and walked out the front door, making sure to lock it behind me. I lived close enough to walk home, and it was a warm spring evening.
A lingering roaring in my ears made it difficult to enjoy the night air and the occasional person who walked by with their dog or hand in hand with their significant other. It was like I was watching someone else walk over the uneven brick sidewalks and cross the streets.
Like it wasn’t my life. I didn’t go around kissing men. Especially not ones who threatened my livelihood. I’d really fucked up, and it wasn’t like I’d gone looking for trouble. It always seemed to find me.
It was like I had a sign on my head that readsucker. I shook my head. No. I was stronger than that. Ben came into my store with a purpose. I knew what he wanted, and I’d gone along with it. Enjoyed it even. I was a strong woman who took what she wanted when she wanted.
Of course, if that were the case, I wouldn’t have pulled back and said we couldn’t do this. I wouldn’t have brought up the reporter. I would have gripped his neck and pulled him down for more. That would have been the pleasurable thing to do.
My body tingled from the very real memory of Ben pressed against me. I was overly warm. I walked down a side street of historic residential homes and unlocked the door to my rental. The one I kept despite the small space because I loved living downtown. I loved knowing the residents and being in the pulse of small-town living.
Normally, I’d take a leisurely bath after a day like today. But I needed a shower to erase the memory, the scent of Ben from my skin.
Only when I was under the steady warm stream, my head tipped back to remove the shampoo from my hair, did I realize that I’d never erase that moment. I’d think about it for a long time, wishing I’d done something different. But my past dictated my future. I needed to be smart and careful. I couldn’t fall into a guy or participate in a one-night stand. Not when I’d been deceived before. I wasn’t sure of Ben’s motives, especially not today.
I prided myself on being a smart girl, and smart girls didn’t fall for hot kisses or hotter men. Nope. They carefully vetted any potential dates, only engaging when it was safe. Ben was the opposite of safe. He was every risk I’d avoided the last few years.
There was no way I could talk to a friend about it either. I couldn’t trust their judgment. Hailey was so desperate for me to have what she did that she’d see something with Ben that wasn’t there. And Remi was all about falling headfirst without a second thought. There was no one who’d understand, except maybe Abby. She’d been screwed over as colossally as me and would definitely commiserate.
