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Ben sighed, long and hard, like he was weary of the conversation. “Do me a favor and stop overthinking this. We had sex, and it was amazing.”
It so was.
“But it doesn’t have to be anything else,” he continued. “We can fuck and still run our businesses.”
It sounded almost too good to be true. “So, what? A friends-with-benefits kind of situation?”
“Sure, if that’s what you want.” His voice sounded calm and reasonable.
I could spend time with him and Cammie and enjoy our physical connection without fear of being vulnerable or losing myself to someone else. It sounded doable. “Arewe friends?”
“I thought so.”
Spending the last few weeks with him and Cammie had changed my perspective on him.
He grabbed my hand, holding it in his larger one. “I only want to do this if you’re all-in.”
I tested the idea out in my brain, turning it over and examining each face before I finally said, “It sounds good.”
More fuzzy feelings, amazing sex, and more time with Ben and Cammie? I couldn’t say no, even if the alarm bells were going off in my head. I’d have to stay detached. I didn’t have a choice.
He nodded, satisfied. “Stay with me.”
I complied, sliding back into the bed and resting my cheek against his chest. I lifted one leg over his, and his arm banded around me, making me feel secure. He absently stroked my back and my hair. It was sweet.
Looking back, Levi wasn’t one for affection outside of the physical act of sex. There hadn’t been hand-holding or cuddling. Maybe that should have been a sign.
I tried not to drown myself in my feelings because I was never sure things were as they seemed. I bit my lip against the ache in my chest. A piece of me wanted to let go. It would be like stepping off a cliff and free-falling into the water, but a larger piece held me back. The voice of reason. The one that had obviously been dormant when I was with Levi.
I woke to an empty bed and rubbed my eyes against the light streaming through the window.
I’d slept over. I hadn’t meant to. I’d agreed to cuddle after we’d had sex. That was it. I had every intention of leaving once I’d had my fill of his arms around me. But that feeling of being secure and safe had wound around my heart, and I hadn’t wanted to move. I must have drifted off at some point, content and secure in his arms.
It was a slippery slope. Friends with benefits. Overnights with cuddling. I was on shaky ground. I needed to regroup, retreat to my space, and pull myself together. Refortify the walls and create space between us.
“You’re up,” Ben said, coming into the room. His hair was slightly damp, like he’d already showered.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked, sitting up.
“You looked like you could use the sleep.”
I’d slept better than I had in ages. Most nights, I was plagued with nightmares where I was naked and someone was laughing at me. I ran and ran, but I could never escape the sound. I shivered at the memory.
Ben sat at my hip, pulling the blankets more securely around me. “Cold?”
I bit my lip. The memory of my nightmare made me feel exposed. “Not exactly.”
“I have to get Cammie soon. Do you want to go together?”
“That’s probably not a good idea. I don’t want the kids to get the wrong impression.”
“You don’t want thekidsto get the wrong impression or your sister?”
“Both.” I wouldn’t back down on my principles. We weren’t in a relationship or anything close to it. I needed to protect myself. Especially with my business at stake.
“I can respect that. You feeling okay after last night?”
Memories of him hovering over me, the affection in his eyes, and the care he took with my body made me feel warm all over again. I was very aware I only wore his T-shirt under the blankets.
