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There were four bedrooms and three bathrooms upstairs. The perfect amount for Cammie and Ben, with room to grow. Not that I should have even been thinking about that.
“I saved the best for last,” Juliana said, leading us through the house to the backyard deck. There was a nice flat yard that gave way to woods.
“It’s certainly private,” I said.
Ben led me over to one of the large trees in the backyard. “The best part is the treehouse.”
I looked up, taking in the small wooden structure perched in the branches. “Cammie will love this.”
A smile played over his face. “I hope so. I haven’t shown her yet.”
I turned to face him. “What are you waiting for? This place is perfect.”
He looked from the treehouse to me. “I don’t know. Buying a place is so permanent, you know?”
“I feel the same.” Maybe, deep down, I still held hope that I’d buy a place with someone, but if Ben bought the house, it wouldn’t be mine.
It shouldn’t bother me, but it did. Loneliness was a hollow cavern in my chest. It intensified the sense that something was missing.
Ben looked down at me with a concerned expression on his face. “You don’t like it.”
I looked away from his gaze. “It’s not that. It just makes me remember how much I’d like a place of my own.”
He looked down at me in surprise. “I didn’t think you wanted to buy.”
My eyes fixated on the back of the house. I could see Cammie playing baseball in the yard, climbing the ladder to the treehouse with Hunter. “I didn’t, but seeing this place makes me want more for myself.”
“Having a kid makes purchasing a home a priority.”
Juliana had disappeared, probably to give us a few minutes alone to consider.
“I’ve always wanted stability,” I said softly.
A home. A husband. It wasn’t so much physical stability I wanted, but emotional. When I faced the possibility of moving on, I’d always expected to feel the same soul-crushing pain I had when I found out my first marriage was fake, but I didn’t. In its place was hope. It made me think I could have it all.
Ben stepped close, his hands moving to either side of my neck, his thumbs outlining a comfortable pattern on the delicate skin there. “I want you to have that. I want you to have whatever you want because you deserve it.”
I smiled, but it felt weak. Brittle. “I love the house. You should put in an offer.”
I stepped back, letting his hands fall from my body. I wanted to give in to the acceptance I saw in his eyes, but I was lying to him about the renovation. I wasn’t the person he thought I was.
I didn’t want to betray someone like Levi had, and that was exactly what I was doing.
“I just needed to confirm that you liked it, too.”
Why would it matter if I loved his future house? Unless he wanted more than what we had. He wanted a future with me, too. My heart fluttered, then beat strong inside my chest. He wanted me, but I was holding something back he wouldn’t appreciate.
With a smile, he called for Juliana and started to walk around the side of the house. After a few steps, he looked over his shoulder at me. He held his hand out and asked, “Are you coming?”
“Of course.” I took his outstretched hand, feeling like I was a part of something bigger than me. I felt hope and love.
I love Ben Monroe.
I probably had since the first time he set up his card table at the end of his driveway and propped his cardboard sign against it, proclaiming lemonade for twenty-five cents.
My heart contracted. What did that mean for me? For us? I knew I had to tell him the truth, but how would he feel when he found out? Would he feel betrayed? Lied to? Whatever he felt, he would have a right to it. I just wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it.
He could walk away. He might never trust me again. I’d let my past dictate my future, and I made a mistake. A big one. I’d miscalculated my feelings for Ben and Cammie and underestimated myself.
