Intentions, sure?
But the results speak for themselves.
There's too much swirling in my head. I need to write. But I don't want to dig through it yet. I want to stay here, in the comfortable space of his room.
Because I like him.
Because I like fucking him.
Because he understands. In some strange way, he understands.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is an asset, not a liability.
Or maybe I'm full of it.
That's a strong possibility.
He emerges from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, wet hair sticking to his forehead, water rolling off his chest.
He looks good here. And, more, this feels personal, like we're really in each other's lives.
Experiment notes: Subject went off-script with social media dives. Add new rules, to forbid these kinds of things, and repeat with a more compliant subject.
Or maybe give up on the whole separating sex and love thing.
Focus on the what-do-I-like instead.
"You okay?" He adjusts the towel.
My eyes flit to his crotch instinctively.
He smiles. "I can drop it."
"I've seen it before."
"My ego."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know," he says.
"We can talk. If you want. Or you can talk. I can listen."
"About Deidre?" he asks.
"Or anything," I say.
He moves to the dresser, dries, pulls on a pair of boxers. "Is that what you want?"
I don't know what I want. "I want to sleep."
"Good news." He motions to the bed.
"I can't. Not right now. I'm too wired."
"My ego again."
"Tricky—"