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"What's that matter?" I ask.
"Wealthy parents?"
"Mom!"
She laughs. "You have wealthy parents. Why does he need them?"
"He does… I think. I don't know. I haven't met his parents."
"You love him?"
"Yes."
She hesitates. "Does he know?" It's there, in her voice. Notdoes he know you love him?It'sdoes he know what happened last year?
I nod.
Her face softens. Her entire body softens. "You told him?"
"It's complicated."
She understands immediately. "I'm sorry, Imogen." She looks to the sand. "I thought it was better to look away from these things. I thought looking gave them power. I was scared. Too scared to face it. But that's my job. I'm your mother. I'm supposed to be ready to face anything."
A tear rolls down my cheek.
"It's my fault you're this way."
I shake my head.
"No. Not there. Here." She taps her forehead. "I had the same problems. I never talked about them. I thought… I was like my mother, so you were like me."
"Did Julie talk to you?"
"Yes."
"Does she know?"
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't tell her. But she saw something in you. Maybe she feels it too. Or maybe she takes after your father. He's different. That's why I loved him, why I love him now. He breathes joy. It always looked impossible to me, like a fish breathing water. But you're a fish, Imogen. You breathe water. So maybe you can do it."
"I have no idea what that means."
She laughs. "You're the best parts of me. And the worst too. But we're in a different place now. We're Americans. And what's more American than therapy and medication?"
"Mom!"
"What? You know it's true. You're a future shrink."
"Behavioral economist."
"Economics is for business." She shakes her head. "Psychology is for people. For watching people. For you."
It is?
"When you were little, you watched everyone and everything. I worried you were like me there too, resigned to the sidelines. But you're like your father, drinking knowledge the way he drinks joy. And you use it to move toward better things."
"I'm not going to be a shrink," I say.
"But you can, if you want. I understand now. Julie… she talked me into it. Therapy. It's good. It helps."
