Page 3 of Derek

“I could lie and say I’m that I’m doing great, but what’s the point in that?”

“Are you well enough to talk with me?” She asks, ignoring my sarcasm.

“Yeah, but first, where is Caleb? My fiancé?” I ask in a quiet voice.

“He’s been arrested. Your neighbor heard you screaming, and called 000. When the officers arrived, they found him standing over you with a knife in his hand. Now, I know you’ve just been told the news of everything that has happened to you, but I really need to hear your story.”

After a few tears fall down my face, I tell her--Everything. I even tell her about the things that happened to me years ago. After quietly taking notes while she listens to my story, she informs me that she has all of the medical files from before, as well as all of the pictures of my past beatings, and assures me that Caleb will never see the light of day again.

With that she leaves, but not before leaving me her card. I cover my eyes and let everything out. I can’t stop crying. I’m crying for myself and how I will never be a mother. I’m crying because I let Caleb do this to me. How will I be able to move on? What am I going to do now? With all of the thoughts in my mind, I begin to feel overwhelmedwith despair and start to scream while I sob. A nurse comes in with the doctor as they try and calm me down, but nothing works. Eventually, the doctor pulls out a needle and inserts it in my IV. Within seconds my eyes get heavy and I drift off to sleep.

Chapter 2

It’s been a few months since I woke up in the hospital and found out that my life had been forever changed. My wounds have healed, but the scars are still there. The Salon couldn’t hold my position, unfortunately, but, Gayle, my old manager, found me a new job. I was nervous to start over, but I knew that I really needed to do this.

On my first day of work, I met a girl named Layla. She was really sweet and was very helpful. She made sure that I understood my job, and then introduced me to everyone in the company. Afterwards, she told me about her life, and I’m ashamed to admit that I started to feel envious of her.

Layla has a ton of friends and such an awesome man that loves her more than anything else on this planet. Where’s my happily ever after? I think to myself as she asks me about my life. I only give her the basics, avoiding anything and everything that dealt with my recent history with Caleb. I didn’t want her to know about how I willingly let a man steal my womb from me and never once put up a fight. It was still hard for me to understand what happened and while I tried my best to put on a brave face, deep down inside, I was dying.

Not telling Layla about my past ended up being a moot point, because everyone will soon be finding out about the traumatic details of what happened to me a few months back. The trial starts next week, and I’m going to have to face Caleb for the first time since he left me bloodied and broken at the bottom of the stairs of what used to be our home. Officer Connors has been helping me prep for the trial, but it won’t make a difference. I’m not sure if I can hold up through the harsh, invasive questioning that will be showered on me from the Defense team. And as much as I hate to admit it, Caleb still has a hold on me. I know that as soon as I see him, I am going to break down.

I never went back to our house. I hired movers to pack up all of stuff, and move it in to Gayle’s house. The woman is my savoir. As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, she picked me up and informed me that I was staying with her until I decided that I was ready to move on and get my own place. I was hesitant at first, but over the past few months, she’s become like a Mum to me, better than mine ever was. We talk every day and she helps me battle my fears, but when I’m alone, that’s when the nightmares start. I toss and turn every night because I can’t get the image of his face out of my head. I don’t know how to be strong anymore. Gone is the girl who was a force to be reckoned with, and in her place is a fragile, broken soul who has lost her will to fly. Caleb will always have a piece of me that I can never get back. My heart will never be the same after he worked his twisted magic on it and robbed me of my happiness. I lie in bed each night and think about everything that he has taken away from me. Gayle keeps insisting that it’s going to take time to heal from this mess that has become my life, and she holds on to her hope and faith that one day my beautiful smile will come back. I try and believe her, but it never works. I know for a fact that I will never be the same Rylie as I was before.

Today, Layla invited me to lunch with her and our co-workers. I was scared to mingle with anyone when I first started to work here, but with Layla’s help, I’ve started to fit in more. It’s been fun getting to know her and the rest of my co-workers. I’ve never really had many friends, and the few I had weren’t around me on a consistent basis, which worked out fine, because Caleb never let me have friends over anyways. He was controlling. He thought that if I had friends, I would tell them about the abuse and leave him for good. This is the first time thatI’ve felt like I had a shred of a social life in a really long time. It’s been nice hanging out at the salon and really getting to know the people that I’m surrounded by. All of them know that something major has happened to me in the past, but I still haven’t let anyone in on my deepest, darkest secrets. I’m scared of what is going to happen when the details of the trial become public. How will people treat me? Will they think that I am stupid for staying with Caleb? Will they still talk to me after they find out? The stream of questions that constantly run through my mind make me want to scream at the top of my lungs. No one would ever take the time to really put themselves in my shoes and understand why I made the decisions that I made. It wasn’t like I had a choice. Caleb controlled everything! I couldn’t have friends, I didn’t have a family to turn to, and I didn’t make enough money to be on my own. I also had no idea how to be on my own which was one of the biggest problems. I depended on Caleb and he made sure everything was in its proper place. He gave me a car, but he controlled the mileage. I had to give him my checks, and he would give me what he thought I needed for the week. Sometimes it was only twenty dollars, but if it was a good week, I would get fifty dollars. This was my hell with him. I wished every day for my life to get better, and maybe now is my chance at doing just that.

After work, I change out of my clothes and take a hot shower. The stinging hot water feels good against my skin as I watch all of my sorrows go down the drain. I take a fuzzy blue towel and twist it around my hair so that it will start to dry, and grab another blue towel to wrap around my slimming waistline.I have been losing weight with everything that has been going on. Gayle, being the mother that she is, makes me eat, but sometimes I am just not hungry. After drying off, I go to my room and sit on my bed. I’m too exhausted to even bother with putting on something to sleep in, so instead my head makes its way to my pillow and I close my eyes. Right before I drift off, I think about how I want my life to be. Gayle tells me all of the time that I will get over this and I will be me again and there’s a small part of me that’s starting to believe her. One thing that I do know for sure is that I will never make the same mistake again, and no man will ever lay his hands on me the way that Caleb did, because as far as I’m concerned, I don’t believe in love anymore. Love does not exist. How can love exist with so much pain and agony in the world? I’m okay where I am right now. I have a good job, a few friends, and Gayle to help me when I need it. There is no drama and Caleb will soon see his life behind bars. Yes, things are starting to be okay, but there is an ache in my heart that does not seem to go away. My mind finally numbs itself from my inner rambling and I get the best sleep that I’ve had in months.

Waking up to a beautiful morning, I slowly stretch in my bed then get up and look at my body in the full length mirror that hangs on the backside of my bedroom door. The bruises are gone, but the scars are everywhere. Staring at my stomach, my trembling hand grazes the scars and I start to cry. I place both of my hands on my stomach and close my eyes. I will never get to feel my baby inside of me. I will never get the chance to have a child depend on me, to love me. I turn around and grab the closest thing to me, a lamp.I take it between my hands and throw it across the room. Screaming. Crying. Yelling. I run to the closet and throw everything on the floor. “Fucking Caleb! You stole everything from me!” I wail as I fall to the ground in the fetal position. I let it all out and hear the door open as Gayle rushes to my side.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” She pulls me in her arms and grabs my discarded towel from last night to wrap around my naked body, “Shhhh, it will be okay, Ry.”

After a while, I stop crying and keep asking Gayle why me. What did I do to deserve this? And after a few minutes of consoling, Gayle helps me get a grip on myself,before she helps me up, and tells me she’s going to make breakfast. She even gives me a kiss on my forehead before she leaves my room, causing me to let out a long sigh. I really need to pull myself together and get ready, so I blow out my long blonde hair and pick out an outfit that covers my body; a high neck green sweater paired with dark jeans. I like to make sure I’m covered up as much as possible, so no one can see my scars.

I’m fixing to start applying my makeup when my cell phone vibrates; I pick it up.

Layla -- Hey I’m almost there!

Layla’s picking me up for work today, since my car needed to be taken into the shop for service. I’ve been trying to get my life back on track, but it still feels weird to have someone insert themselves in to my life the way that Layla has. I go downstairs to the kitchen to grab a protein shake from the fridge and see that Gayle is sitting at the kitchen table. She smiles and pats on the table, instructing me to sit down. When I do, she places a bowl of fruit in front of me and we sit together in the silence. I like it. She knows how fragile I am and gives me the space that I need to cope with the overwhelming emotions that flow through my body on a daily basis. Looking over, I see that she’s still smiling at me, encouraging me to believe that everything will work itself out. I love her warm smile. I feel safe. When the doorbell rings, I sluggishly get up to answer it and am greeted by an ecstatic Layla. She’s beautiful. Half Sri Lankan with a body that, most likely, doesn’t have any scars. Before I can get the door all of the way open, Layla throws her arms around my neck and begins to laugh.

“Oh my god! Rylie, I’m pregnant!” Layla squeals in my ears.

Pregnant? I ask as I bring my arms around her waist and give her a congratulatory hug. I am happy for Layla and Chase, but a part of me feels sad and broken because I’m instantly reminded that I’ll never get to feel my baby growing inside me. Hearing Layla say that she is pregnant puts a big damper on my day. It hurts to know I will never be a mother.

On the way to work, I quietly listen to Layla as she tells me how happy she and Chase are about the news. Chase is a great guy. I met himajust a couple times, the first time when he came to pick up Layla after work one day. I was happy that Layla not only landed a hot guy, but a nice one as well. It proves to me that relationships are truly a gamble in life, because I landed a hot guy, but he was far from nice.

When we finally get to work, Layla barely has the car in park before she jumps outofand runs toward the salon to tell everyone her news. I laugh at her goofiness, and try to put a smile on my face and act happy for her. Later on, we find out that today is going to be her last day because Chase doesn’t want her to over work herself while pregnant. At first, it shocked me that she would agree to do that so easily, but she explained that once the baby is born, she’ll plan on continuing her education and being a stay at home mom until she’s ready to go to nursing school. In a way, I’m relieved, because Layla is a smart girl and would never let a man control her like Caleb did to me. The sad part is that know I need to distance myself from her now that she’s going to be bringing another life into this world. It makes me sound like a total bitch, but how could I possibly be around her and her child without feeling like I’m being ripped apart? The truth is…I can’t.

The day goes by quickly as everyone congratulates Layla on the pregnancy, but I can’t get my mind off of Caleb and the upcoming trial.SoI phone Detective Connors and my lawyer, Kurt, to meet me for lunch at the same café near the salon. Gayle is helping me take care of all my lawyer fees, and knows that as soon as I’m back on my feet, the first thing I’m going to do is pay her back. She tells me that she won’t have it, but we’ll see about that when the time comes.

During our lunch, my team and I go over the trial one more time and my lawyer explains to me again all of the details of what will happen once I’m inside of the court room. The topic of conversation doesn’t do anything for my appetite, and after a half hour of pep talk, I think I’m finally ready to get this trial over with.

Here we go, I think to myself.

Chapter 3

The trial was over faster than I thought it would be, because Caleb ended up pleading guilty in exchange for working out a deal for a shorter sentence. Fortunately for me, this meant that I didn’t have to testify and relive that nightmare of a day over again in front of an audience of strangers. It was hard on me when I had to do it repeatedly with the police officers and lawyers in order to prepare myself for the trial, and to be honest, I don’t remember a whole lot about that day’s events, and was afraid that I would get confused on the stand. After the judge announces Caleb’s sentence of twenty five years to life without a chance of parole, I leave the court room and hope that I never have to lay eyes on Caleb ever again.

I have spent more hours than I can count looking in the mirror at my mauled skin. I stare at these damn scars every day, and now that the trial is over, I am tired of looking at them and being reminded of the pain that Caleb inflicted on to my body. When you don’t want to see something, what do you do? You cover it up. After planning out a few designs, I went to a small tattoo parlor downtown, where I knew the owner, Jay. As soon as I walked into the shop, he took me back into his work space and I told him what I wanted done. He agreed to do the work, but told me that since it was going to go over scar tissue, it was going to hurt like a bitch. I told him that I had enough experience with pain throughout my life, so I could handle anything.

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