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“Sounds like a lot of people these days.”
He eyed the FBI badge that was clipped to her lapel. “How does it feel?”
She looked down at the badge and smiled. “Pretty damn good, actually. Did you ever think of taking the plunge?”
“I’m too old now. Age thirty-seven is the cutoff and I’m not a military veteran, so I can’t seek that waiver. And even if I could still apply, I doubt I’d pass the physical.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself. And since you know the requirements, I take it you looked into it?”
Decker shrugged. “I can do my job without the federal badge. I’m still a sworn police officer. I can arrest people.” He paused and added, “And you always have my back.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I went by my old house early this morning.”
She looked startled by this admission. “Why?”
“I don’t know. My feet pointed that way and suddenly I was there. Met the dad who lives there and saw his little girl. Lancaster had told me about them. I spooked them a little showing up like that, but the dad had heard about what had happened…there. It turned out okay.”
Jamison leaned forward. “I know that you don’t want to hear this, Decker, but I’m going to say it anyway.” She paused, seeming to choose her words with great care. “At some point, you’re going to have to let this go. I mean, I get coming back here to visit their graves and all. But you have your life left to live. That means you have to move forward and stop dwelling in the past so much. Cassie and Molly wouldn’t want you to do that, you know that.”
“Do I?” said Decker abruptly.
She sat back, looking saddened by this comment.
“They shouldn’t be dead, Alex. If anyone should be dead, it should be me.”
“But you’re not. You’re alive and you have to spend every day living for them and yourself. Otherwise, it’s all wasted.”
Decker rose. “I’m going to take a shower and change my clothes. And then we’re going to go catch a killer. I’ll meet you back down here in half an hour.”
“Decker, you need to get some sleep!”
“No, that would just bewastingtime, wouldn’t it?”
As he walked off, Jamison just stared after him, the look on her face one of heartbreak.
