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“I’m terrified I’m going to mess up with them, you know,” said White breathlessly.
“The babies will be fine.”
“They’re not babies, Momma. They’re over halfway to adulthood. Lots of things can go wrong. And I can’t expect you to always be there for me or them.”
“Calvin and Jacky are my flesh and blood. You think there’s anything I won’t do for them?”
White looked away and shut her eyes.If I screw up with my kids? If they turn out to go down the path that my younger brothers did? If one of them does, I’m batting five hundred and I’ll be a failure at the most important job I’ll ever have.
“You will not mess up with them, Frederica. You won’t allow yourself to, and I sure as hell won’t let you.”
White opened her eyes to see her mother staring at her with the assured look of the assistant principal she used to be.
“You promise?”
“Honey, I don’t have to promise, do I? I’m here. Walk the walk, bullshit is just talk.”
White nodded and squeezed her mother’s hand before letting it go.
Her mother said, “So, how are things with this Decker fellow?”
“Better, actually. He told me to tell all of you hello.”
“So, you said he lost his child too?”
White’s gaze drifted from the half finger of scotch she had left, to her mother’s large, watchful eyes. “Yes, he did.”
“Then you two can understand each other.”
White’s brow furrowed at the statement. “What do you mean?”
“Understanding from a loss like that, Frederica. You don’t get the real person from good times. You get them from the bad times, the awful ones. You both got your hearts broken and in some ways they can never be repaired. I know. I had mine broken. But that’s also a bond between two people; you have something powerful in common. You can use that to turn a horrible event into maybe something positive. For both of you.”
White looked incredulously at her mother. “We’re just professional colleagues, Momma. We do ajobtogether. No more and no less. We’re not going to be besties. We’re way different people even if we had similar losses. And I don’t even know if I really like the man. So don’t make it into something it’s not. And don’t tell me to go andprayon it. I don’t have the time or the inclination. In case you didn’t know, I have a lot on my plate.”
“Well, if that’s all you want to see in it,” her mother said in a disappointed tone.
“I think that’s all Icansee in it. You don’t know him like I do. And I don’t really know Decker at all.”
“I think you know him better than you think. At least in the most important ways.”
“Why do you care about that?”
“I care about that, because I care aboutyou.”
Chapter56
D?ECKER WAS JUST ABOUT TOgo to sleep when his phone rang.
He didn’t answer it right away because it seemed every time he did, something bad happened.
“Hello?”
Kasimira Roe said, “I need to see you.”
“When?”
“Now.”
