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“I’d been drugged.”
“Yeah, but they could have asked Blake to ensure that someone watched over you and got you home safely. Instead, they took it upon themselves to do that. And ever since you stayed at Trace’s home for the first time, they’ve been constantly up in your space. It isn’t just about sex. Not anymore, at least. The three of you spend actual time together.”
Very true. During the past two weeks, there had been more dinners at our homes and meet-ups at the Vault. Trace and Kaleb had also continued to visit me during the week, as well as text and call me at random times.
We sometimes went out in public now. Occasionally for breakfast. Occasionally for dinner. But it had to be taken into account that … “Friends with benefits often do spend time together.” I gave an aloof shrug when I truly didn’t feel so nonchalant.
Folding her arms, she slid up a disbelieving brow. “So they’re your friends? Really?” Her voice dripped with skepticism. “That’s what they said?”
“No. But they also haven’t suggested at any point that we start up anything.”
I believed that actions often spoke louder than words. To some degree, their behavior would suggest that they didn’t view me as a mere bed-buddy; that they might even care for me. But it had to be noted that their continuedlackof action when it came to laying a claim on me wasnota positive sign.
“Trace once told me that he and Kaleb avoid arrangements because they don’t want to form ties with anyone who they can’t envision being a permanent partner,” I explained to Izzy. “All I can think is that that’s how they feel about me, or they’d otherwise have suggested an arrangement. But they’re avoiding ties.”
And yet, I couldn’t break away.
Partly because I cared for them. Partly because I couldn’t help but hope that they would come to want more if I just gave them time. It was what Izzy had done with Cole, and that had paid off. Hence why she kept urging me to do exactly that, refusing to accept that the guys only wanted something casual with me … just as she was doing right now.
Wanting to escape the conversation, I suggested, “Maybe we could drop this subject and move on.”
She shook her head hard. “Oh, no. No way. When I was all mixed up over Cole, you badgered me something rotten to seethings your way. I warned you that I’d return the favor when it was your turn to be all tangled up in a bloke.”
“So this is revenge?”
“And an act of deep concern, because I love you and want you to be happy.” She shuffled forward on the sofa and braced her lower arms on her thighs. “I’m telling you, Briar, these blokes don’t see you as a plaything.”
“I’m not disputing that.” They could be affectionate, even in public. They weren’t any less touchy-feely with me while we were out and about. They behaved no differently, not even sparing a look at the people around us to see if anyone was paying attention. I did the same, not whatsoever interested in how it might look to others.
“I’m not downplaying how much they’re a part of my life,” I went on. “I’m merely pointing out that they’ve said nothing to indicate to me that they want something permanent. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve enjoyed being with someone but didn’t view them as marriage material. It happens.”
Her brow furrowed. “So, what, you think that you’re not triad material in their eyes?”
I lifted my shoulders. “Maybe.”
“So if they wanted a serious relationship, you’d definitely be up for it?”
I rubbed at the back of my neck. “I’d be up for giving it a go, though making a triad work would be tricky. I never really consideredhowtricky until recently.”
She cocked her head. “Is it that you care more for one bloke than the other?”
I felt my brows snap together. “What? No. Which is a little surprising. I mean, I would have thought that I’d find it hard to care equally for two men; that I’m so in the habit of being loyal to one person in a relationship that I wouldn’t be able to bond so strongly with two at once. But that isn’t the case here. And if youwere to ever ask me to choose one over the other, I’d never be able to do it.”
“So, then, what would make a triad so ‘tricky’ in your eyes? Is it that you might have to deal with people staring and sneering and all that crap?”
“No, I don’t believe in living to please others. There’s no sense in it.” I cared about the opinions of those closest to me, but I gave zero fucks what perfect strangers thought of me. “There’ll always be someone somewhere who disapproves of you or what you’re doing. You might as well just live your life for you.”
“Then why do you think it would be difficult for you to make a triad work?”
I blew out a breath. “As their bond with each other is purely platonic, it’s only friendship that holds them together. And that might not forever be enough to keep them together. One could eventually decide to break away.”
“Briar—”
“I’dhave to be the glue that ensured such a thing didn’t happen, and what if I don’t make good glue, Iz? What if one of them someday feels that the idea of sharing no longer holds any appeal? Or they decide they’d rather be a woman’s sole focus and so want to find their own? Or the triad thing affects their careers to such an extent that they choose to walk away?”
Izzy’s face softened. “Everyonein any kind of relationship worries that it won’t work out, no matter how many people are part of it.”
“I know that. I know it’s just part and parcel of caring for someone—or two someones, in my case. But that doesn’t lessen my fears. Which isn’t to say that I wouldn’t push those fears aside and take a risk. The truth is that I don’t have solid defenses against Trace and Kaleb. They battered right through them, the bastards.”
