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“She didn’t like that the last of her unmarried sisters got engaged around that time—she was in competition with them. We barely knew each other, but she saw no reason why I shouldn’t want to propose. She talked like we had an intimacy we didn’t have. Like we’d known each other for years.”
“It sounds to me as if she felt she knew you through your music; that she’d had this idea in her head of who you were.” I’d met many people who, based on my music and interviews and social media posts, believed theyknewme.
“Maybe. She kept pushing and pushing for me to propose. Even though I told her that I didn’t see the point in marriage—that it was just a piece of paper—she kept on at me. When I didn’t back down, she slept with someone else.”
Straightening, I lifted my Mai Tai. “Vengeful little thing, isn’t she?”
“Apparently, it wasn’t about revenge. She claimed that she only meant to make me jealous. She thought it would make me ‘wake up’ and realize I loved her. Except I didn’t love her, and I wouldn’t have reacted that way even if I had. What she did pissed me off, but I wasn’t hurt, because I don’t care about her.”
I shouldn’t have been so damn delighted to hear that—it was worrying, dangerous—but I couldn’t help it. “She said that you called her your muse.”
He snorted. “Another lie.”
“I suppose, then, that you didn’t write songs about her either.”
“You suppose correctly.” He set down his bottle but kept a loose grip on it. “Now, tell me what she threatened to leak to the tabloids.”
As my stomach sank, I took a slow, preparatory sip of my drink. “I had my first serious relationship when I was eighteen. Patton was a singer and guitarist. He was very sure he’d make it big. You remember the TV contest I won?”
Kaiser gave a slow nod.
“We planned to audition together as a double act. But a week before the audition, I found out that he’d cheated on me with someone I’d considered a friend. So, angry and hurt, I dumped him. I also brought our double act to a swift end. He freaked about the latter. Begged for forgiveness. Then he turnedrealnasty when I wouldn’t change my mind. So we auditioned separately, and um …”
“The judges didn’t send him to the next round of the contest,” Kaiser guessed.
“No, they didn’t,” I confirmed. “I think it made it harder for him that his audition was televised—the entire world saw him fail.”
I’d felt bad for him. Initially. But then … “He blamed me for it. Not just in person later on, but in front of the cameras after the audition. He didn’t name me—probably because he didn’t want to grant me any attention—but told a sob story about how he’d recently been dumped; said that his ‘heartbreak’ fucked up his performance. I couldn’t believe it when I watched the whole thing on TV.” I’d been so furious that my sympathy for him went down the drainfast.
“Your audition was televised as well, right? I heard that the judges raved about you; that all four stood and clapped.”
I nodded and sipped more of my Mai Tai. “It was something of a magical moment for me. And I think that made everything all the worse for Patton.”
“What happened next? He took his anger out on you?”
“He turned up at my house and ranted his ass off, claiming it was my fault that he was ‘off his game’ at the audition. He called me everything from a bitch to a slut, and he swore I wouldn’t win the contest. I ended up shutting the door in his face. And that was that. I didn’t hear from him again. But the weekend that my first song went to number one, he hung himself.”
Kaiser’s lips parted in shock. “You’re fucking kidding me.”
I swallowed hard, flexing my fingers beneath the table. “I wish I was.”
Those pools of gray pinned mine. “It isn’t your fault that he killed himself, Inaya. Some people hit rock bottom and just can’t find their way back up. Watching you soar might have made it harder for him to handle that he didn’t, but you’re not to blame.
“Lots of people don’t pass auditions. He could have dealt with it any number of ways—could have auditioned again the following year, could have tried to pursue his goal another way, could have formed a double act with someone else or joined a fucking band. My point is he had options. The fact he didn’t see that is a reflection of where he was at mentally; it wasn’t because of your success.”
I chugged down more of my drink. “I don’t think he believed he had options. The judges picked his performance apart. Not in a cruel way. They just didn’t sugarcoat their words. It seemed like their comments crushed his hopes.”
“He could have taken that criticism and used it to better himself. Artists are always critiqued, even when highly successful. They have to constantly learn, grow, and evolve no matter how successful they are. You know that.”
“I do know. I don’t hold myself accountable for his actions, Kaiser. But his family did. They probably still do.”
“Then they’re dicks.”
I might have smiled at that if the topic didn’t have my gut in knots. “Not dicks, just hurting. I’m not sure why they never went to the tabloids about it in an attempt to screw things up for me. Maybe they didn’t want to broadcast to the world that Patton took his own life. Or maybe they felt that turning it into some big news story would shit all over his memory. I really don’t know. Idoknow they’d be devastated if this was all dredged up now and sensationalized by the media.”
Kaiser twisted his mouth, tapping his fingers on the side of his beer bottle. “Camila won’t leak the story.”
I slanted my head. “What makes you so certain of that?”
