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But that was Danton. Selective hearer of the year.
God, I was going to have to admit that I wanted more than a mere arrangement, wasn’t I?Thatwould penetrate. That he’d hear.
I pulled in a long breath. “You’re wrong.”
His eyes darted to me and then back to the road. “About what?”
“I don’t want a casual arrangement. I’m looking for more.”
He frowned. “Since when? You avoid relationships. Always have. Not once have you been involved in anything serious. Not within the Vault, not in the outside world.”
He reallyhaddone an extensive background check, hadn’t he? “Yeah, but that’s mostly because of Jorge’s renowned habit of punishing me by harming those I care for—I don’t want to risk that he’ll hurt whoever I bring into my life. But what am I supposed to do? Stay single forever? No, that’s not what I want. Though, for a while there, I did a good job of convincing myself otherwise.”
A muscle in his cheek ticked. “You want out of this arrangement so you can go find a guy to play happy fucking families with?”
“No, actually, that’s not it. I do want more than casual, yes. The thing is, Danton, I want more with you.” It was so much harder to admit it than I’d thought it would be, and Danton? He didn’t even look my way. I could almost think he hadn’t heard me, except his jaw hardened and his grip on the wheel once again tightened.
“I didn’t see it coming,” I went on. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. But it did. And so I have to walk away from you, because the fact is that you’re not going to offer me more, are you?”
One broad shoulder stiffly lifted slightly. “What would be the point? You won’t want to live in a gilded cage. But that would be your reality.”
I felt my brow pucker. “A gilded cage?”
“By virtue of its restrictions, the arrangement we have protects you—to anyone looking in, you’re nothing to me but a pretty diversion. Even now, though I’ve made it clear to your father that you’re mine, it won’t be assumed that you mean anything to me since we don’t meet outside of the Vault. No enemies I have would consider you a weakness they could exploit. But if you stepped fully into my world, that would change.”
“And you’re so sure that they’d strike out at anyone who they think means something to you?”
“No, I’m not sure of it at all. The likelihood is that they wouldn’t dare. But that won’t mean shit to me. The only people I ever cared about were gunned down right in front of me.”
My heart squeezed. I’d heard that his parents and two brothers had been killed at gunpoint when he was a kid, but I hadn’t known he’d witnessed their deaths.
“So would I take any chances with the life of a woman I brought into my world? No. Not one. Hence the gilded cage.”
Which was perfectly understandable, given that he’d not only undergone a traumatic experience but that the danger in his life was very real. Still, I didn’t believe that that was all there was to it. There’d been anoffnote in his voice when he spoke of not being prepared to take risks with a woman he hauled into his world. “It’s more than that.”
His brows slid together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean it isn’t simply that you don’t want to put someone in your enemies’ line of sight. The plain truth of the matter is that you don’t actually want to claim anyone as your own, isn’t it?”
He fired me an odd look. “I claimed you, didn’t I?”
“Technically, no, you claimed the right to be the only man who fucked me. That’s nowhere near the same as officially making a woman yours.” I paused. “You’re never going to do that, are you?”
His jaw briefly tightened. “Watching people you love get shot by your father’s enemy makes you reluctant to form serious attachments.”
Yeah, I supposed it would. My heart went out to him. It also sank, because it meant I knew for certain that we would never have been anything but club-buddies. Ever. “Then I guess there’s nowhere for us to go.”
“Why do we have to go anywhere? Why can’t things stay as they are?”
“Because I’ll grow bitter, Danton. Bitter and resentful of the fact that the person I care for, the person I want a relationship with, won’t ever give me what I want. It’s best that we just part ways now.” I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry you lost your family.”
I faced forward, a scratch building in my throat. A throat that began to ache and thicken. Fuck, I wasnotgonna cry. I wasn’t.
Silence fell between us, taut and tense. Well there was nothing more to say on either side, was there? We’d reached an impasse.
There was something bittersweet about having finally gotten through to him. Because now he’d officially drop the whole thing. As much as his obstinate refusal to accept my “we’re done” statement had annoyed me, a part of me had liked that he’d pushed me on it.
He wasn’t pushing anymore.
