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Ignoring the shake in her legs and the tremble in her hands, she marched into the kitchen, determined to enjoy the meal she’d spent all bloody day preparing.
One way or another, she wasn’t going to give Kenneth the satisfaction of making her cry. No way.
‘Not ever,’ she said aloud… as the tears began to tumble.
Chapter Fifteen
Saturday, 1stJune – 8 days till the wedding
Beth sat in her car with the engine idling, staring at the red-brick building ahead emblazoned with the words ‘Guildford Fire Station’ and wondering whether she’d finally lost her marbles and was emulating her mother’s recent unstable behaviour. Or worse, was she suffering from a cognitive impairment like her grandma? What other explanation could there be for ‘stalking’ a man?
Realisation made her drop her head onto the steering wheel, ashamed by her loss of rational thinking. She was supposed to be the sane one in the family. Well, not any more, that ship had sailed. And the cause of her meltdown? One measly kiss. Okay, maybe not measly. Phenomenal, in fact. Mind-blowingly amazing. But that was beside the point. It was an additional stress, and her life was already jammed full of issues to contend with – she didn’t need another one. Certainly not one that had driven her to the point of ‘stalking’.
Stalking was perhaps a bit of an extreme description for her behaviour, but she’d googled the man, hadn’t she? She’d discovered where he worked, and instead of heading home after her client meeting this morning, she’d made a sudden detour and was now carrying out what could only be described as ‘surveillance’.
If she’d hoped that learning more about him would dampen her physical attraction towards him, then her plan had woefully backfired. Matt Hardy was the Lead Officer for the Surrey Fire and Rescue Service, head of operations, and in charge of a large crew of firefighters. The station’s Facebook page contained numerous glowing endorsements of his talents as a team leader, grateful comments from various people rescued over the years, and numerous images of him wearing his uniform – which far from curing her of her ridiculous ‘crush’, only served to fuel the growing sense of heat building within her.
He’d even set up a JustGiving page to raise money for a family who’d lost their home in a fire and weren’t insured – was it any wonder she was falling for the man?
Switching off the engine, she took a few deep breaths and tried to ease the tightness gripping her chest. It wasn’t just her unhelpful feelings towards Matt Hardy causing her grief. There was also the highly disturbing matter of not having submitted the annulment application yet. She’d yet to hear back from Freddie Wood and the wedding was only one week away.
Her sister seemed remarkably unperturbed by the whole situation. As far as Megan was concerned, it was a ‘minor blip’, and certainly not anything that should derail her entire wedding. Her plan was to address everything post-wedding, confess to Zac about her first marriage and plead ignorance to the courts when it came to the issue of resolving her marital status.
Despite Beth’s protests that ‘ignorance’ was not a viable defence for breaking the law, Megan was determined to forge ahead and marry the ‘love of her life’ next Sunday as planned. Something which did nothing to ease Beth’s levels of anxiety. Unlike her sister, she wasn’t a rule breaker. She liked order, and structure. She lived a law-abiding existence, and knowingly committing bigamy did not sit comfortably with her.
She banged her head against the steering wheel, slowly and repeatedly, like a deranged patient in an asylum, trying to obliterate the myriad of conflicting thoughts tormenting her fatigued brain. She just wanted this damned wedding to be over with, so she could return to her safe and boring life, and not have to deal with any further family dramas, or Matt flaming Hardy.
Not that ridding herself of Matt made her feel any better. In fact, the idea of not seeing him again after next weekend only added to the sinking feeling in her stomach. At some point she’d gone from loathing the man to liking him, and she still wasn’t quite sure how that had happened.
A rap on the window made her jump.
As if stalking Matt Hardy wasn’t embarrassing enough, being sprung by the man himself was mortification at its worst.
She looked up to see him smiling down at her, his handsome face backlit by the glowing sunlight. He was wearing his uniform. Black trousers and a short-sleeved black shirt, adorned with various insignias and a large silver badge confirming his rank. How on earth was she supposed to resist that? Life really wasn’t fair at times.
‘I spotted your car from the window,’ he shouted through the glass. ‘You’ll have to move it onto the forecourt if you want it washed.’
What on earth was he on about? Her face creased into a frown.
‘Charity car wash,’ he said, pointing to where a line of cars were waiting to be cleaned by a team of firefighters. ‘Isn’t that why you’re here?’
Beth had two options. Admit the truth, and suffer the humiliation of being caught ‘stalking’, or blatantly lie. Lying won.
Cracking open the window an inch, she said, ‘Er… I was going to have my car washed, but the line is too long. I have to get back to the office. Sorry. Another time maybe.’
Before she could start the engine, Matt opened the driver’s door. ‘At least come and have a look around.’ He offered her his big hand. ‘I’d like you to see where I work.’
And this was what bothered her. Even though she had run off last week after their kiss, he’d mistakenly taken their mad moment of intimacy to mean something.
Her coming here today had made it look like she was also interested in pursuing something, and she most definitely wasn’t… at least, she didn’t think she was. It was hard to decipher what she was thinking, while he was looking at her like that. All handsome and doe-eyed, and mouth-wateringly tempting. It wasn’t like she didn’t like him, she did. If she was honest, shereallyliked him. She trusted him, too. But could she trust herself? That was the real issue.
Having already bailed on him last weekend, she knew she couldn’t do the same again now, or the wedding next week would be excruciating. She needed to rein in her attraction, get a grip of her sanity and bring things between them firmly back into the ‘friend zone’.
‘I can manage,’ she said, exiting the car without his help.
‘Of course you can. Silly me.’ He gave her a wry smile, his amused gaze travelling over her work attire. ‘Nice suit.’
‘Quit with the sarcasm. I had a client meeting in Guildford this morning,’ she said, buttoning up her jacket. ‘Like you, I also have to work weekends sometimes.’
