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“And even if they were, that makes it okay?”
“Well, no, but—”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be me? To dread going to school? Or hate your name? To be so embarrassed you want the earth to swallow you up? Do you know what it’s like to have your heart beating out of your chest, your palms sweat, and a frog in your throat just because you have a class coming up where you know your tormentors are just waiting to torture you some more? Most days, I want to disappear, to be completely invisible. Do you know what that’s like?”
His cheeks flushed, but he said nothing. Instead, his mouth pressed into a thin line and his expression pinched.
“Well, do you?”
When he kept silent, I turned my gaze back to my paper, pressing my pencil so hard against it, I thought it might snap. “That’s what I thought.”
After a moment, he wordlessly opened his math book and flipped through the pages before he slammed it closed again. “I didn’t know about the skunk thing. I must’ve left Mary’s before that, but had I been there, I never would’ve let it happen. I told JT to leave you alone.”
“Then he either doesn’t know how to listen, or he just doesn’t care what you have to say.”
“Maybe. But they’ll stop, I swear it.”
I dropped my pencil and glanced up at him, annoyed with myself for even entertaining this conversation, but it’s like I just couldn’t help myself. Maybe a part of me—a silly, naive, foolish part of me—wanted Topher to care. Which made me just as pathetic as the rest of the girls that worshiped the ground he walked on.
“Do you even mean the things you say? Or do you just talk to hear yourself speak? Last week, you acted like you don’t even want this reputation you’ve earned, like it’s some kind of curse. And now, suddenly, you’re some knight in shining armor, willing to stand up for the lowly pauper when you had a direct hand in the way I’ve been treated.”
“Okay, so I know I haven’t exactly stopped them in the past. I get why you don’t trust me, but . . .” He trailed off, searching my face. For what, I had no idea, but the scrutiny made me squirm. “Do you really dread class that much?”
I swallowed, saying nothing because the truth made me sound pathetic.
“Do you really wish you were invisible?” he asked again, softer this time.
“Yes,” I whispered, then I glanced the other way, mortified at the tears stinging the back of my eyes.
“I’ll fix this,” he said.
TOPHER
I paced the hallway in front of the lockers.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
The linoleum floors squeaked every time I pivoted on my feet. I had half a mind to find JT and Mikey, throw them up against the nearest wall, and ask them what the hell their problem was, but it would only make things worse.
Because something Ewe said hit home.Then he either doesn’t know how to listen,or he just doesn’t care what you have to say.
It used to be that I laid down the rules.Myword was gospel. I was King, after all. But lately, they didn’t seem to care how I felt. And while it was true that I was changing, normally, they’d pivot and maneuver with me. But not anymore.
It should probably bother me more than it did.
Regardless, I still held enough power to make them leave Penelope alone. I was sure of it. All I had to do was reassert myself as the alpha of our group, even if I could give two shits what they thought of me. They’d already taken notice of my attention to P. And if I made a show of hanging with her more, they’d almost be forced into laying off of her. Because by association alone, they wouldn’t want it to seem like we’d taken a loser into the fold.
In my texts to Julia, I told her I was different. That I wasn’t special. That no one really knew me for me.
I was starting to realize just how true that was. So it was time I showed it and became the man I wanted to be, instead of just living up to my reputation.
The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall, so I paused in my pacing and leaned against the lockers, hip cocked, arms crossed, the picture of casual as Penelope rounded the corner.
Her head was down, a dark curtain obscuring half her face as she walked.
When she drew closer and glanced up, her steps faltered as she caught sight of me. “What are you still doing here?” she asked warily.
