Page 82 of Hate Notes


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“Oh, yeah. Miss Integrity, I forgot.”

“Everything I said in those texts was real. The only thing I lied about was my name.”

“And what were you going to do when homecoming rolled around, P? Stand me up? Make up some lame excuse like you did the day of my game? Only you did go, didn’t you? You probably got a real kick out of the fact that I was so disappointed Julie wasn’t there. Probably laughed about that for days.”

“No, and I was going to tell you. In fact, I hoped you’d realize on your own, and when you didn’t, that day at the game, I almost told you, but I thought you’d hate me.”

“Well, you were right about one thing, at least.”

“So I was planning on telling you this week.”

A hiss of air escaped his lips. “And then, like a fool, I went and told you about my father. I was so grateful that you listened and didn’t judge.” Topher chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. “I’m so stupid.”

“Don’t say that.” I reached out and cupped his hand in mine, and he let me, for a moment. Before he pulled away again and my hopes imploded.

“I like you,” I blurted, stepping in front of him, forcing him to face me.

When his eyes met mine, my heart jumped in my throat. “I know I’ve given you a million reasons not to trust me, but it’s true. And it’s part of why I waited so long to tell you. I know it’s no excuse, but once I started falling for you, I was just so afraid you’d hate me. A part of me hoped to somehow salvage us. To . . . to . . .”

“See, that’s the thing, P.” A bitter smile curled his lips. “There is no us. There never really was.”

My shoulders slumped under the weight of his words, and my thoughts reeled from the whiplash of the last few days when he stepped past me once more and murmured, “I gotta go, or I’m gonna be late.”

And then he left me, standing there staring after him, with my heart in pieces at my feet.

Chapter 26

PENELOPE

Isatonthelivingroomsofa,staringatmyphone,wishingforTophertocall.Butofcoursehewouldn’t.HewasonhiswaytoBucknellforhismeeting.Andbesides,Ibetrayedhim.Ilied,usedhissecrettomyadvantage,blackmailedhisfather,andbrokehisheartintheprocess.Iwasthelowestoflows.Asnakeinthegrass.WorsethananyRoyal.WhatwasitTophersaid?JT and Mikey and Luca and Gabby might not be perfect. They might be superficial and vapid and whatever else you think of them, but at least they don’t stab each other in the back.

He was right, so right. But I was faced with an impossible choice. My father lost his job because of me. It was my fault he was ready to break down in the kitchen yesterday. My fault he wouldn’t have a paycheck in two weeks. So I had to make it right, didn’t I? And the only way I could think of to do that was with leverage.

Moaning, I sunk my head into my hands. No amount of reasoning with my choices would make it right. And as I waited for my father and Sara to get home from her game, I bowed my head and let myself fall apart.

TOPHER

The overhead lights glinted off the ice-blue water of the Olympic-sized pool. In front of me, Eric Bower, the recruiter for the Bucknell Bisons, gave me the lineup of players on the team and their stats for the past couple of years.

He used his hands as he spoke, clearly passionate about his job, which made it easy for me to zone out, for my mind to wander back to Penelope and the moment I heard the familiar sound of her voice at my doorstep.

I remembered how I stood there, listening for a moment, ready to jump in and defend her if need be, but hanging back because I was so certain her presence had something to do with my meeting. That maybe she had come for moral support. To make sure I didn’t let my father sway me. And maybe, just maybe, if she had, it meant she had feelings for me too.

But I was wrong. She hadn’t come for me. She’d come for her own gain.

I could still feel the vestiges of shock roiling in my gut. The stabbing betrayal as she used my secret against me to blackmail my father. Then telling me how she was really Julie and that she’d lied to me all along.

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. To think that just last night, I beat myself up over the fact that I had feelings for them both when all along they were one and the same. The signs were there, I could see them now. The day in the library when P freaked out about her phone going off just as I sent Julie a text. The way she sometimes acted like she already knew something about me without me having to tell her. How freaked she got when I asked for her phone number. The weird face mask she wore when I called her, and the odd lilt to her voice. I’d have to be a complete imbecile not to realize.

The day at my game . . . The red tank and the dark jeans. The fact that Penelope said she couldn’t come and Julie promised to be there, yet it was P who showed up. I should’ve known . . . But I’d been so desperate to be seen by someone as Topher, not King or captain of the water polo team, or the most popular guy in school, that I was blinded to the truth.

“So what do you think, Elliot?” the recruiter asked, spreading his arms wide. “Do you see yourself here, playing for Bucknell?”

My eyes met his, and I nodded, despite the fact that I had only been half-listening the entire time. “Yes, sir, I do,” I said, because it didn’t matter where on the roster I’d be or how state-of-the-art their gym was. All that mattered was that come August, I’d be four hours away from my father and Lakeview. And far away from Penelope Ewe.

Chapter 27

TOPHER

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