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I smiled, suddenly feeling shy, and glanced away. “Yeah, maybe. I should probably spend the morning with my parents and Ella, but I’m sure I could come over. I’d love that, actually.” The thought of being with a family that actually wanted to be together sounded pretty nice.
“Mia . . .” Carson touched the side of my cheek, turning my gaze toward him. “Come to my meet on Saturday.”
“Like, with Ethan?”
Carson glanced down to the table then back again, lifting a shoulder. “With Ethan, or alone. Alone is good.” He laughed, and it was maybe the first and only time I’d heard him sound nervous. “I want you to come watch me swim. Will you?”
Out of all the words he just said, the words,I want you,were the three I focused on. Why did they sound so good coming out of his mouth? Why did they make my heart soar and my insides twist?
I’m in trouble,I thought. Totally hopeless. And as Carson gazed at me intently from across the table, my heart sped up. There was no way I’d say no. “Okay, I’d like that.”
A moment later, the waitress came to the table to take our order, apologizing for the wait, and I thought,take all the time you want. Then I realized with a little pull inside my chest that if there was one thing I learned these last weeks about Carson, it was how impossible he was to resist.
Chapter 22
CARSON
Ipulleduptomy house after dropping Mia off and sat while the car idled. White Christmas lights shined brightly from the roofline and windows of our house, while red ribbons wrapped around the porch banisters like giant candy canes. A silver and gold bulbed wreath glittered on the front door, a reminder that the holidays were near, and I didn’t need to step inside to know that my parents would be cuddled up on the couch watching a movie.
It was everything Mia’s home wasn’t.
Part of me wondered if she’d told Ethan just how bad it was at her house, and how much she was struggling. Something told me she hadn’t, that Mia prided herself on maintaining a strong front, and I was the first she’d confided in. The selfish part of me hoped I was right.
When I thought about the look on her face as she spoke about her parents and how awful the fighting was, my heart ached for her. All I’d wanted to do in that moment was reach out and take her into my arms, to kiss her lips until she forgot all about her problems, until the world and everything in it seemed far away.
But she wasn’t mine to claim yet, and so I sat and listened instead. Because it was the best I could do. Because she needed an ear, not for me to slobber all over her the first chance I got.
And besides, I’d meant what I said to her in the car. I wanted her to want me, and if I had kissed her in that moment, I’d spend the rest of the night—the whole weekend—wondering if she’d kissed me back because she truly wanted me or simply because she’d been vulnerable.
Gripping the steering wheel in my hands, I thought about the way she’d looked under the porch light when I’d dropped her off. Locks of her reddish-blonde hair blew around her face in the breeze, a soft smile curling her lips. And when she’d raised her hand in a little wave, her eyes glittered like freshly fallen snow.
I’d wanted to get out of my car and tell her she wasn’t alone. That maybe her parents were broken, but she wasn’t. And she had me.
But I didn’t, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why because Mia was like a snowflake, icy on the outside, but all I’d have to do is hold her in the palm of my hand, and she’d melt.
Yet I’d held back.
Was it because I was afraid of getting hurt?
Maybe, but I didn’t think so. Rejection wasn’t a part of my vocabulary.
Or was it really that, deep down, I was afraid she’d choose Ethan once again? That he was who she really wanted.
Alarm bells went off inside my head, and I gritted my teeth.
Jaw locked, I slammed an open palm against the steering wheel before making a decision and backing out of the driveway.
Maybe I couldn’t do anything to change her situation or help with her parents. But I could make her smile. I could give her something else to think about—me.Because that I was good at.
Chapter 23
MIA
Tuesdaymorning,Iwokeearly and padded my way into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Sunlight streamed through the windows helping to clear the haze of sleep. When I headed to the refrigerator and yanked open the door, my mom appeared in the entryway.
“Hey, Mia.”
“Mom,” I acknowledged, bending over and searching for something worth eating.
