Page 60 of Love Notes


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It started with him standing me up yesterday morning. We were supposed to meet with Mr. Bell in the afternoon, after Carson’s practice, but he never showed. He never even answered my texts until later that evening, and even then, his response was the equivalent of a virtual shrug.

He forgot—his exact words.

Lucky for him, I covered for him and told him that his swim meet ran late. It was risky. Bell could’ve easily made his way to the high school pool to see if the team was still there, but he didn’t question it. Instead, he was just thrilled to have the boxes filled with the Angel Tree gifts all accounted for, wrapped, and with my help, piled inside of his car. I updated him on the adopted families and assured him that we had all presents packaged and ready to go. All we needed was to shop for groceries, divvy them up, then deliver everything.

But as I waited for Carson that afternoon at Lakeshore Market, impatiently checking my time on the phone, I realized that he wasn’t going to show.

Sick of waiting, I sent him a disgusted text and did the grocery shopping myself. Instead of enjoying it like I had when we went shopping together for the gifts, I hated every single solitary minute. I had to somehow navigate two carts, then park them to go and grab a third. By the time I was done, I was exhausted and made a point to call Ethan to ensure Carson wasn’t home. The last thing I wanted was to see him at the moment. I didn’t want a confrontation and couldn’t trust myself not to say something stupid.

When I pulled into the driveway, Ethan was already waiting for me. He helped me unload everything into the house, which we divided among the boxes. Luckily, Mrs. Brooks had made room in her refrigerator for the cold items like the deli trays and Christmas hams.

The entire time we worked, Ethan continued flicking worried looks my way, which I tried to studiously ignore.

“This is ridiculous. He should be here,” Ethan said.

“No kidding.” It was all I could think of to say.

He shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense. He helped you this whole time. To just stop now is weird. I heard Mom talking to him this morning, too. She asked him if he was supposed to help you today and he said you didn’t need his help. That you’d handled it. Handled it, my ass.”

“It’s fine.” I snapped, then sighed. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to talk about it, okay? You’re here now, and I’m sure he’ll be here tonight to help deliver. We’re supposed to use his Jeep.”

“But I thought you two were getting along? What happened?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I said through gritted teeth.

When we placed the final bag in the freezer, Ethan turned to me. “Hey, Beth and I are supposed to go out tonight, but you and I can catch lunch if you want?”

I shook my head and tried for a small smile. “Nah. I’m tired. I’ll just go home until later when we’re supposed to deliver everything, then I’ll be back.”

“Okay. But call if you want company.”

“Will do,” I said, even though I had no intentions of doing so. The only thing I wanted was to wallow away in my bedroom.

CARSON

I stood outside the large picture windows of Martin Jewelers, debating whether to go inside. Hair damp and limbs tired from an early morning swim, where I’d once again been accosted by Olivia, I hung my head. Clutching the little velvet box in my fist, I exhaled and glanced down at my hand, and flicked the box open. Nestled inside was a tiny gold snowflake encrusted with Swarovski crystals, hanging on a delicate gold chain. I’d bought it the day after Mia came to my meet and cheered me on. It was meant to be both a Christmas present and my way of asking her to the dance. Something special for a special girl that had cost a pretty penny—money I’d saved for my time at Duke.

I closed my eyes and the image of Mia, her lips on Ethan’s, flickered through my head. Pain lanced through my heart like a dagger.

I should return it, I knew that. Seeing as how Mia’s feelings were clearly elsewhere, I no longer had a need for it. Besides, I could use the cash next year. It was the practical thing to do.

Opening my eyes, I snapped the box closed, ground my teeth, and swung open one of the heavy glass doors before I could change my mind. A slow ballad played over the store's speakers. Large glass displays of glittering jewels and shiny baubles filled the small space. It was hard not to remember the evening I bought it. How my heart had nearly beat out of my chest. How I imagined clasping it around Mia’s neck, kissing the soft skin just below her jawline as I did.

I swallowed, pushing the thoughts from my mind as my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was her. I knew without looking because the last dozen calls had been her as well. Probably calling for the hundredth time to see if I’d stand her up today, too. I’d already missed our meeting with Bell yesterday, and as we speak, I was supposed to be at Lakeshore Market buying groceries for the families, but I just couldn’t bring myself to face her. I couldn’t look into her cool blue eyes, knowing she chose him over me—Ethan. Again.

My jaw worked as I waited behind a customer at the checkout where the saleswoman rang him out, and when she finished, I stepped forward, the ring box burning inside my fist like a hot coal. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“Yeah . . .” I held my hand out, turning the box in my fingers one last time, thinking about how that very first day we met on the beach years ago, I should’ve made amends, right then and there. I should’ve run to her the moment I saw she was upset and righted my wrong. I should’vetalkedto her. Hashed it out. Told her she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. If I had, maybe everything would be different. Maybe she’d already be my girl.

Resigned, I sat the box on the counter and stared at it a moment before it hit me.

I was making the same mistake I had nine years ago.

And I’d be damned if I’d spend another nine years wishing I had done things differently.

Snatching the box back off the counter, I gripped it in my hands. I needed to talk to Mia, to clear the air and see where her heart lay because I hadn’t imagined this thing between us.

“No. I’m good,” I hollered as I spun around and headed back out the way I came. “Actually, I have somewhere to be.”

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