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For most of the time, he lived in Dublin, in a little house near the docks. He’d been married, once to Mena Swan, but that had ended and there had been no-one serious since. Liv knew Mena Swan. Everyone knew Mena – she’d spent the last couple of years propping up Ireland’s longest-running soap opera, but she’d recently announced that she was leaving to pursue other projects across the pond, so she was cutting her ties to Dublin and presumably to her ex-husband also. There hadn’t been anyone serious since his marriage ended.
‘Does Estelle realise that?’ The question slipped from Liv and she knew as soon as she said it she was wrong to ask. ‘I’m sorry, just ignore that.’
‘Estelle?’ He threw his head back and laughed.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘Sorry, no.’ He put his hand on his side; laughing isn’t always the best medicine. ‘No. It’s a valid question – after all, you did buy the coffee, it gives you a right.’ He was joking with her now, but when he began to speak again, his voice was gentler, more thoughtful. ‘The truth is, Estelle and I?’ It was an unanswered question.
‘She’s very beautiful.’
‘She is, but she’s like my sister. I’ve known her forever. She grew up just down the road from me and she spent as much time in my house as she did in her own. My mum used to babysit her while her parents were at work.’ He examined his coffee cup as if he might find the next sentence hidden in the logo on the side. ‘She pretended to be my nearest and dearest because she knew my parents were away and she wanted to make sure I was going to be well looked after.’ He pointed towards the bandage on his head. ‘Sometimes it feels as if she’s almost taken ownership of me, but the fact is, I’m probably the nearest thing she’ll ever have to an older brother.’ It was true. Estelle had all but taken up residence at his bedside. She’d have had to lie to the nursing staff on duty too; otherwise, they’d never have let a casual girlfriend or friend into ICU. Wouldn’t Pete have done exactly that for her, if they were in the same situation?
‘No, I get it. She’s been really worried about you. Sometimes hospital rules are meant to be broken.’
‘Exactly. Now my parents are here, I’m hoping that she’ll take a step back and enjoy what’s left of Christmas with her own friends and family.’ He smiled.
‘What about you? Aren’t you meant to be getting engaged one of these days?’
‘Oh, you don’t want to hear about my love life.’ She laughed in spite of herself, but he was still waiting for an answer. ‘Okay, here it is; I’ll give you the edited highlights only. I’ve been with someone for years, that is until a few nights ago when I went back to my flat and discovered that he’s been seeing my best friend’s girlfriend behind my back, probably for months.’
‘Ooh, painful.’ Finn raised his cup in toast to her. ‘I’m sorry; it really has been a crappy Christmas for you, hasn’t it?’
‘You could say that, or you could say that I’m looking forward to an exciting new year.’ Liv leant back in her seat and she felt the glorious winter sun penetrate the glass window at her back. ‘I’m surprising myself when I say this, but I’m actually looking forward to a new start. Things with Eddie, well, perhaps they were never really right to begin with.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Long story, but the simple truth is, at this point, I actually feel as if finding out about him and Anya is almost a relief. Does that sound crazy? I mean, it was terrible in the beginning and still, there are moments when I feel so betrayed, but somehow, it feels as if I have hope of something better for the first time in as long as I can remember.’
‘Not at all, if it’s how you truly feel.’ He smiled at her and they sat there for a while, both lost in their own thoughts; perhaps they were both getting a second chance. ‘What if, in the spirit of new starts and by way of saying thank you… what if I was to ask you to dinner?’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ There were too many reasons not to go, chief among them being the fact that she’d been his nurse and he’d been her patient – if only briefly. There was also the reality that regardless of how she felt at this particular moment, she knew, so soon after Eddie, she was in no fit state to go getting involved with someone new, certainly not someone like Finn O’Connell who really could break her heart in two with just the toss of a coin.
‘As friends, just as friends, we could celebrate our own late Christmas; it seems such a shame to have missed out on this one,’ he added.
‘As friends?’ She smiled at him, because as long as that was clear, where could the harm be? She didn’t want to tell him she just wasn’t a casual sort of girl, but then, she looked at him and she had a feeling that maybe Finn O’Connell wasn’t a casual sort of bloke either, not if the right woman came along.
13
There had been some kind of crazy mix-up. Pete or someone had gotten their wires crossed; there was no way that Eddie was seeing Anya behind her back. No way, not Eddie. Liv took a deep breath. But then that small traitorous voice in her head asked:So, where is he now?Exactly.Where has he been for the last two days?Off in Dublin sorting out where Anya is going to live, that’s where. He was looking out for her – that’s all it was, Liv told herself sternly. He was looking out for her, just like anyone with a scrap of human kindness would. She was sorry now that she’d stormed off on him, sorry that she hadn’t asked him for more details; maybe if she’d done that she could put this whole silly notion out of her head. Maybe. What on earth was wrong with Pete, though? That was the question.
Liv felt terrible, as if she might get physically sick at the idea of what Pete had suggested. He was wrong. She had to convince herself of that, otherwise – well, she couldn’t contemplate otherwise. There was no otherwise.
Eddie and she were good. Fine, so their relationship had never exactly been what she’d always dreamed of, but she wanted to marry him. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him – didn’t she? Now that it felt as if it might be slipping away from her, Liv felt it more keenly: this idea that she wanted to settle down, have a family, buy a proper house, start the next phase of her life. With Eddie.
She was sure of it. The more that niggling little doubt dug into her thoughts, the more she imagined herself stamping on it, like a smouldering fire that she couldn’t possibly allow to take light in her imagination.
She would have it out with him. She had to have it out with him; she needed to hear him deny it. She needed him to tell her that he loved her, just this once. She needed him to go down on bended knee and convince her that she hadn’t wasted years of her life on him.
And yet, in her mind’s eye, she just couldn’t see it.
She couldn’t see him on bended knee. She couldn’t imagine him waiting at the altar for her. She couldn’t even imagine him in a dress suit – never mind actually standing there and proclaiming to their families and friends that he loved her and he wanted to spend the rest of his life cherishing her. Hah.
He’d never cherished anything more than his time down in Flannelly’s with his mates, getting paralytic on too much beer and old stories that had been told far too often already.
Liv marched back up the farmyard. Bloody Pete. Why on earth did he have to come here telling her this today? She was so angry with him, too angry to be able to see that he’d only been looking out for her. Too angry to realise that coming here, giving her this awful news, was the mark of a real friend.
She pulled out her phone and stabbed at Eddie’s number to call. It rang out. She wanted to scream, but the truth was she could hardly breathe. ‘Oh, Eddie, what have you done?’ she said out loud. The truth was beginning to dawn on her. She began to put together a text.Where are you? Eddie, please call me, there’s something I need to…She stopped. What did she need to do, ask him or tell him?
