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He looks completely gobsmacked, but I see the faintest hint of a smile start to play on his lips.
“Are you saying….”
“Yes!”
“But on Christmas Eve…”
“I know. I’m really sorry about that. It’s just that you caught me completely by surprise and, at the time, I didn’t know how I felt about you. Believe it or not, I’ve never been in love before.”
“Never?” he asks. “But what about the other guys you went out with?”
“I can honestly tell you, Toby, that I’ve never felt the way I feel right now with anyone else. When you walked off and left me standing there on Christmas Eve I was in shock, like a part of me had been torn off. Since then I’ve missed you so much it has felt like an actual, physical pain. But I still didn’t understand what it was. It was only when Charley pointed it out to me that I finally got it. I wanted to tell you, but you wouldn’t answer my calls.”
“I’m sorry. I saw them, and the voicemails, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to them, much less actually talk to you. I felt so stupid and embarrassed. I was sure you were going to tell me that we could pretend it never happened and carry on as we were before, and I couldn’t stand the thought of hearing the pity in your voice.”
“I understand, but not knowing when, or even if, you’d speak to me again was tearing me apart. So I came up with the idea of the burner phone as a number you wouldn’t recognise, and Kristina.”
“I knew something was off with her! I’ve worked with a lot of Eastern Europeans and none of them sounded even vaguely like her. I assume it was an Eastern European accent you were attempting?” He’s smiling widely now. God, he has a beautiful smile. I could stare at it all day.
“It worked, didn’t it?”
“So, what happens now?”
“I think I’d like you to kiss me.”
To my surprise he looks terrified, like a rabbit caught in the headlights, but he does come and sit next to me on the bed. “Umm, I should warn you that I’m not very experienced in these things. I haven’t exactly had a girlfriend before.”
“And by ‘exactly’, you mean?”
“I mean I haven’t.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” I smile, lean forward and kiss him lightly on the lips. We stay like that for a while, just kissing gently, and I feel him start to relax. Our arms wrap round each other as if on autopilot as our kisses start to deepen. I was right. He may be inexperienced, but he’s a fantastic kisser and I can feel my body coming alive and responding to him. At some point we shift position, so that we’re lying on the bed, and I become aware of his arousal.
“Toby,” I break off from kissing him.
“Yes?”
“What is this?” I ask, putting my hand on his trousers. His face blushes so red that I can’t help laughing.
“If we’re going to do this,” I tell him, without moving my hand, “and I want to just as much as it appears you do, I don’t want our first time to be on the porno bed. I’m sure we’ll christen all the areas of your studio in time, but can we go up to your flat now?”
He hesitates, and I wonder if I’ve gone too far too fast.
“What’s the matter?” I ask him.
“I don’t have any condoms,” he replies. “They haven’t been something I’ve ever needed before.”
I grin at him. “Well, it’s lucky I’m on the pill then, isn’t it?”
He takes my hand and we practically run up the stairs to his flat.
~
“What are you thinking?” I ask him, as we’re lying naked with our limbs entwined some time later. Things had been a little awkward at first; Toby was keen, but his inexperience made him a little clumsy. In the end I had taken charge and showed him what to do and what I liked. After that it all improved dramatically. I’m confident that he’ll make an extremely good lover with a little bit of guidance.
“You know I said that Christmas Eve was one of the worst days of my life?”
“Yes.”
