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‘I don’t think so. OK, let’s do the first couple of questions and, if we don’t like it, we’ll stop there. What do you think?’
I sit up on the towel, turn towards him and cross my legs. He does the same so we’re facing each other.
‘OK. Question one. How many sexual partners have you had?’
‘Wow, they don’t mess about, do they? Straight for the jugular!’ I laugh. ‘OK, fine. I’ve had two. The first one was called Darren, who I’ve recently learned is gay, and then there was Josh. You?’
‘Also two,’ he replies. ‘I was a late starter. I went to an all-boys school, so I didn’t know any girls until university, where I met this girl called Nicola. She was the polar opposite of me. She was this wild, unpredictable, hippy-type creature and I was mesmerised by her. We went out for most of the time we were studying, but it came to a fairly natural end in the final year as we knew we were headed in different directions. We kept in vague touch for a couple of years, but even that fizzled out eventually.’
‘And the other?’
‘Office romance. A colleague of mine, in the early days. It didn’t last very long. I think we were both a bit overwhelmed by the pressures of working in a big law firm, and used each other as a bit of a comfort blanket. Once we got more confident, we realised we weren’t really compatible and ended it. I’m still friends with her. She works at a different firm now and is married with two children.
‘OK. I think that’s question one finished,’ Ed continues. ‘How are you feeling? Are you happy to carry on?’
‘I’m fine so far if you are. Let’s have the next one,’ I reply.
‘This is a two-parter. Have you ever cheated on a partner, and have you ever been cheated on by a partner?’
‘I’ve never cheated, no,’ I answer. ‘Although both my relationships ended because my partner was cheating on me. Darren was getting blow jobs from another girl in my year, and Josh and Scarlett you know about already. Actually, now I come to think about it, that’s not a great track record for me, is it? Maybe there’s something about me that drives boyfriends into the arms of other women. Maybe I’m shit at sex or something, and they didn’t bother to tell me, they just went and got it elsewhere.’
Ed is obviously aware that I’m building myself up into a fit of insecurity and intervenes. ‘I think that’s unlikely. Sex is a two-way street. If there was an issue, and I’m sure there wasn’t, it was just as much their fault for not taking time to find out what you like. In my opinion the issue here is simple.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘They’re dickheads.’
I burst out laughing. ‘OK. Enough of my insecurities then. What about you?’
‘No. I’ve never cheated. The answer to the second question is rather more difficult though. I’m going to have to answer that I’m not sure whether I’ve been cheated on or not.’
‘Go on.’ This sounds interesting.
‘As I said before, Nicola was something of a free spirit, and never made any bones about the fact that she also found women attractive. I’m pretty sure she never cheated on me with another man, but I had my suspicions about whether she was closer to one or two of her female friends than she let on.’
‘She sounds quite a character. What’s question three?’
‘Do you want children? If so, how many? It says here that if either party already has children this should be interpreted as “do you want any more”.’
‘Yes, definitely. I’m not in a blinding rush though. My biological clock is not screaming at me to get on with it. I’d want to be married first – I’m traditional like that – but after that, yes. You?’
‘Yes. Now that I’ve climbed high enough up the greasy pole that I don’t have to be working every hour of every day, I think I’m probably ready. I couldn’t be one of those absentee fathers who only see their children for a few hours at the weekend. I’d want to be around and involved in their lives.’
I study him. ‘I reckon you’d make a good dad,’ I tell him.
He looks surprised but flattered. ‘Thanks. I’m sure you’ll be a great mother when the time comes.’
Question four is where I finally come undone. It tells us to look at our partner and tell them five things we love about them. Although I can think of several things I love about Ed, we’re not in that type of relationship and I’m far too embarrassed. Thankfully, it appears that he feels the same and doesn’t insist. As the sun starts to dip, we get back into the kayaks and paddle back to the main beach.
‘I’m really feeling the strain of this morning,’ I say to Ed when we get back. ‘I’m going to have a hot bath and I’ll see you at the bar at the usual time, OK?’
‘Actually, and I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve arranged something slightly different for this evening. Are you OK to meet me a little earlier?’
I’m intrigued and we agree to meet at six thirty. When I get back to my room, I run a bath as hot as I can bear and lower myself into it, letting the heat from the water soothe my aching muscles. Once I’ve dried myself off, I take a little bit of extra care over my appearance before I set off to meet Ed at the bar.
As usual he’s waiting for me but, instead of ordering a drink, he takes my hand and starts to lead me away.
‘Where are we going?’ I ask him. I’m very conscious of his hand around mine. It’s a nice sensation.
