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‘No. I pretended someone was at the door, told her I’d call back with my credit card number in a few minutes and hung up. Then, on Wednesday, I rocked up at the building reception just after eight in the morning. I told the security guard that I was waiting for a colleague, to make sure he left me alone. I recognised Ed from your shrine as soon as he walked in and intercepted him. I explained who I was and that I needed to talk to him about you. He told me he had an early meeting so we couldn’t talk there and then, but he suggested we meet in a pub near his office that evening. I thought he was probably just trying to get rid of me so, before he managed to escape through the barriers, I gave him a piece of my mind about the way he ghosted you and told him I didn’t believe he’d turn up and face me after being such a coward. I wasn’t going to let him get away with that.’
‘What happened?’
‘It stopped him in his tracks. He said that if anyone was guilty of ghosting, it was you. He was pretty riled and we ended up having a bit of a row. It was weird, because we were both furious but also whispering so other people couldn’t overhear.’
‘How can he possibly think I ghosted him?’ I exclaim. ‘I tried every bloody thing I could think of, and he refused to take my calls!’
‘And now we get to the heart of it. Here’s the bit you need to hear, OK? He swears blind that his PA never passed on your message, he never got your letter, and he certainly never told her to screen your call.’
‘Do you believe him?’
‘I do, yes.’
‘But why would she do that?’
‘That’s a good question that he couldn’t answer there and then, and we were running out of time as it turned out he really did have a meeting, but he promised that he would turn up at the pub, because he was as eager to get to the bottom of it as I was.’
‘And did he?’
‘Yes. He told me he’d asked his PA about it and she’d pretended not to remember. He called her out on it, so you can assume she’s seriously in the shit. I’ll let him fill you in on the details, but the point is that he was gutted that you thought he’d ghosted you. He said he was really looking forward to hearing from you after he left his number but, when you never called…’
‘Did you tell him about my phone?’
‘Yes. Why do you think he’s here? Once we’d ironed out what had really happened and worked out that neither of you had done what the other thought, I came up with the idea of him coming tonight as a surprise, so you could clear the air properly. I spoke to your mum, who understandably wasn’t keen to begin with, but she came round as soon as I told her the real story. Then I collected him from the station on my way here, and ta-dah! You can thank me now.’
‘Hang on a minute. So when you called me on Wednesday, you were with Ed?’
‘Yes. We’d just concocted the plan, but he needed collecting from the station, which is why I couldn’t pick you up. It would have spoiled the surprise.’
‘Honestly, Mads. I don’t know whether to hug you or kill you.’
‘Why don’t you see how the evening pans out and decide at the end? Now, shall we go back into the kitchen before he escapes again?’
I feel like I’ve stepped into some kind of parallel universe as we walk back into the kitchen. Ed is here, in my parents’ house, chatting away to Mum and Dad as if the last six months never happened. When he sees me, he tenses, obviously unsure how I feel about him being here. I walk over to him and give him a hug. I get a delicious whiff of his aftershave as I inhale.
‘It’s nice to see you,’ I murmur into his ear.
‘It’s really nice to see you too. I’m so, so sorry about the mix-up. I don’t know what Alice thought she was doing,’ he replies. ‘I couldn’t understand why you didn’t call. I kept checking my phone in case I’d put it on silent by mistake.’
‘I know all about that,’ I reply, wryly. ‘It sounds like we have a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of misconceptions to unravel.’
After dinner, we settle down to watch the episode. Mads, Mum and Dad arrange themselves so that my only option is to share a sofa with Ed. Part of me wants to cuddle into him, but I hold back. Even though the rational part of me wants to believe his story, I’m not quite there yet.
‘Tonight, onMarried Before We Met, our couples head off on honeymoon,’ the voiceover tells us. ‘There’s going to be romance, tears, and a big revelation from Ed!’
I look at him questioningly. I thought he said he’d sorted it?
‘It’ll be fine,’ he whispers.
Most of the programme, as expected, focuses on John and Daisy and Brian and Rosa. John and Daisy are on safari in Botswana and seem to be getting on famously. He’s obviously besotted with her, and she’s continuing to warm up to him in return. Brian and Rosa are struggling. They’re in Barbados and, to cap all his other failings in her eyes, it turns out Brian is a bit of a snorer, so she’s banished him to another room. They do manage to find some common ground through the intimacy questionnaire though, as it turns out their previous marriages both broke down due to their spouse’s infidelity. Towards the end of the episode they are talking much more openly to each other and even holding hands, so we don’t write them off just yet.
The final ad break comes around and I pop to the loo. I need a moment to prepare myself for what’s coming. I come back in just as the final segment of the episode is starting.
‘Last week Ed was left standing at the altar,’ the voiceover is saying. ‘We join him on his own in Antigua, to see how he’s getting on.’ A montage of shots of Ed follows. There’s Ed walking around the resort, Ed lying on a sunbed reading, Ed eating on his balcony and then we cut to the interview. My hands start sweating as I relive that morning. There he is, speaking to the camera from the sofa in the honeymoon suite, while I’m hiding just through the wall behind him in the bedroom. I remember all the questions, and his answers.
‘And how do you feel about the future now?’ pervy Dave’s voice asks from behind the camera. His accent is more upmarket in professional mode, and he sounds like he genuinely cares, but I’m not fooled. I don’t remember this part of the interview though, and I frown slightly.
‘Optimistic,’ Ed replies. ‘I’ve met someone special, actually.’
