Page 43 of Not The Man I Thought He Was

‘I don’t know,’ I reply. ‘What if it’s haunted? What if you’re lying in bed and Anne Boleyn appears, waving her severed head at you?’

‘How do you think that works, if you’re a ghost?’ he counters. ‘Do you have to stick your head on to be able to see and talk, or can you do those things with it detached?’

Our conversation about the practicalities of being a ghost carries us all the way around the lake, and most of the way to the pub. The pub itself is in a tiny hamlet, but the number of cars in the car park indicates that it’s popular. A blast of warm air greets us as Toby opens the door and ushers me into the bar, which has plenty of tables and a roaring fire at one end. Everything on the menu sounds delicious, and I sip my cold white wine thoughtfully as I try to decide what to have.

‘I chose this because I remembered what you said about poncy food on our first trip,’ Toby explains. ‘I could have gone for fish and chips, as that’s our signature dish, but I thought I’d broaden the horizons a bit. There is fish and chips on the menu if you want to go traditional though.’

‘No, I think I fancy a burger,’ I tell him. ‘I reckon a burger tells you all you need to know about a place. If it’s good, then you can bet that everything else on the menu is good. If it’s not, then chances are the rest isn’t great either.’

Toby goes up to the bar to place our order and returns with a second glass of wine for me. I’m surprised to notice that I’ve pretty much drained the first one already. I make a note to drink more slowly, otherwise I’ll be asleep for the whole afternoon.

‘I need to ask your advice about something,’ Toby says. I look at him and notice that he has his serious face on.

‘Go on,’ I reply. My mind is already feeling slightly fuzzy from the wine and the warmth in the room.

‘Well, the thing is, I’ve met someone special.’

Suddenly, I’m fully alert, and I’m surprised by the pang of jealousy that shoots through me. I’ve always known he and I would never be more than friends, but the idea that he’s met someone else, who is going to muscle in on our friendship and take him away from me, hurts in a way that I’m unprepared for. I take a moment to compose myself, and remind myself to approach this carefully, because Toby has always been very guarded about stuff like this.

‘That’s great!’ I say, plastering a smile on my face and trying to sound sincere. ‘Congratulations!’

‘It’s a little early for that, I’m afraid.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s complicated. I’m in the friend zone at the moment, and I don’t know if they feel the same way about me as I do about them. Part of me thinks it’s safer to leave things as they are and not risk ruining a friendship, but then I wonder whether I’m missing a chance at happiness. What would you do?’

My first thought is to tell him to say nothing, but I realise that’s just me selfishly trying to stop him from pursuing a relationship with this person. Toby feels like a part of my life now and, although I know he’d make an effort to keep our friendship going, I also know that we’d inevitably drift apart if things got serious between him and whoever the other guy is. I tell myself to pull myself together. I’ve been hoping he’d find a boyfriend almost from the moment I’ve known him. Maybe it’ll be fine.

‘What’s your gut feeling about how they would react?’ I ask him.

‘I can’t call it. On one level we’re really close, but I don’t know if it’s enough to get me out of the friend zone.’

‘Have they given you any signals?’

‘No.’

‘Tricky. Do they have any friends you could sound out?’

‘None that I know well enough to have that conversation with.’

‘If they aren’t giving you any signals, I think I’d play it safe if I were you. Give it time and see what happens. If they’re interested in you, they’ll find a way of letting you know.’

‘Yes, you’re probably right. Ah, here’s our lunch.’

I’m fairly certain I see a look of disappointment flash across his face. As soon as it appears, though, it’s gone, and I don’t think any more about it. The burger is excellent, and the wine combines with my full stomach and the fresh air earlier to make me feel pleasantly dozy. He doesn’t broach the subject again, but I do find it playing on my mind after he’s dropped me back home. I’m not sure my motives were as pure as they could have been when I told Toby to bide his time, but I can’t help feeling a bit possessive of him. This person, whoever he is, had better be worthy of him.

23

CHRISTMAS EVE – THE MORNING AFTER THE GALA DINNER

‘What the bloody hell are you doing here, Toby?’

He looks at me blankly from the bed.

‘You invited me,’ he says.

‘Bollocks. I would never have done that. You know how I feel about people staying over.’

Source: www.allfreenovel.com