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“Yes.” I bring my hands up to my cheeks and she squeals a little too loud.
“Lorelai.” I don’t know why I’m telling her off but I feel I should.
“What? Leave me to be happy. And ignorant. It really is bliss.”
I laugh and shake my head at her. “You are so crazy.”
“Sometimes you have to be. It helps.” She nods. “How are you feeling?”
“Strange. I know I’m not supposed to read into it, because it is what it is, and everything is still so bizarre, but part of me wants to slip away into ignorant bliss.” I borrow her words.
“Why can’t you?”
There are so many reasons, but I keep thinking about everything Viktor said. “There were other things that happened yesterday that troubled me.”
The hope I witnessed seconds ago slides off her face. “What else happened.”
“Viktor.”
“What?” Her eyes bulge.
Quickly, I fill her in on the horrible parts of yesterday and the parts that left me torn.
“My God. I can’t believe they were fighting.”
“It was awful, Lorelai. I’ve never seen anything like it.” My father kept me away from anywhere and any situation a fight could arise, so that was my first. “Desmier looked like he was going to kill him, and the things Viktor said were just terrible.”
“I guess that’s to do with the family secrets we don’t know.” She lifts her shoulders into a listless shrug.
“It must be. And I’m caught in the middle of it.”
“What are you going to do?”
I look away from her and gaze at the roses in the garden as if they can help me.
The more appropriate question is where will my heart lead me. The worrying thing is, I already know the answer. My heart and body led me straight to him yesterday, but I’m scared. And there is too much uncertainty.
“I don’t know Lorelai.” My voice comes out in a gentle whisper. “I just don’t know.”
“Maybe you need to think about it a little more.”
I turn back to her and shake my head. “There’s nothing to think about. Desmier isn’t the kind of man you fall for, or even rely on.”
We had fun last night and I don’t regret it. I wanted him and I still do, but only a fool would entertain the thought of being with a man who’s already told you who he truly is and what he’s like.
“What if he could be?”
“No. I don’t think he could. Desmier is the rebel who could make you drop your panties with one look. He’s darkness and wild adventure. The guy who can make your body experience things you never thought possible.” Just talking about him makes my nerves scatter. “But he’s the same guy who said he doesn’t want kids—absolutely not with a Sidorov, and he’s going back to sea the moment he wraps this up. As in me, the wedding, and whatever else he’s doing with my father and Volkova Inc.”
And worse of all, there’s Gytha. She keeps popping up at the worse times like a bad rash you can’t get rid of, and I know they have something going on.
I haven’t told Lorelai much about Gytha because I don’t like talking about her.
“And Viktor?” She holds my gaze with her pensive stare.
“Viktor is stability guy. He’s the cereal box husband. The guy I imagined having the house with the white picket fence and our kids playing in the yard with a big shaggy dog.” One guy represents a stable future. The other doesn’t. “But it’s not like I have a real choice anyway. Next Saturday, I’ll be Desmier’s wife no matter what I want.” It feels like that’s when the real battle will begin and I’ll be even more torn between the two brothers.
“The wedding doesn’t matter. You can choose who you have feelings for.” She drags in a measured breath and straightens. “I agree Viktor is stability guy but how do you feel about him after being with Desmier?”
