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“My name is Dr. Pillour. Are you Mrs. Carter?” the doctor asks Mom. Mom simply nods in confirmation, leaning farther against me as if to hide herself. The doctor turns to me next. “And are you Reginald Carter’s only child?”
“I am,” I speak quietly. “Is he okay?”
“Mr. Carter suffered a heart attack from a total blockage in his coronary artery. We brought him into surgery to try to clear the blockage and repair the damage to his heart.” Dr. Pillour pauses, looking at us with sad eyes. “Unfortunately, Mr. Carter didn’t make it. His body was too damaged from the heart attack and lack of oxygen. We did everything we could. I’m sorry for your loss.”
Screams fill the waiting room as my Mom completely falls apart. I don’t have the strength to hold her up as her entire body gives out, she falls to the floor in grief in front of me. The guys rush over, Colton grabs Mom and holds her tightly against him as she breaks. The tears that had been absent this whole time come over me like a tidal wave. The room becomes a blur of shapes and bland colours, my tears covering my eyes in a veil. Arms fold around me, holding me up as my knees give out. I can hear crying all around me, the screams of my mom, and the whispers of comfort from my men.
He’s gone. He’s actually gone. I’ll never see him again. I’ll never hear him talk about the new foals or listen to him whistle as he made his special pancakes. He won’t sneak me chocolate bars that he claims are our little secret or teach me how to change my oil like he promised he would. Mom and Dad won’t go out on their special Friday night dates anymore or dance around the kitchen to Garth Brooks when they think no one can see. It’s all just gone, over in the blink of an eye.
I don’t know how long we fall
apart in the waiting room before the guys get us all in the cars to head back to Archer’s place. The doctor gave my mom a small sedative and a prescription for a sleep aid, knowing from her reaction that she probably won’t calm down any other way. I can hear the guys debating about taking us back to the farm, they eventually agree that Archer’s place is the better option since it should keep Mom calmer.
I don’t really know everything I’m feeling right now. The walls of the car have me feeling claustrophobic. I can’t get enough air, I can’t handle being trapped when I’m trapped by my emotions already. The atmosphere of the car is heavy, all of our grief mixing together in a tsunami level tidal wave that continuously washes over me, drowning me in it’s depths. My head is a mess of memories and pain.
Dad was so special to each of us, a rock that each of us had leaned on at one point or another. He was so supportive of everything I wanted to do as long as it made me happy. When I told him I was sticking around yesterday his smile was brighter than the sun, he was so happy to have his family around him again. He was just talking about Piper and Josh’s wedding and now he’ll never get to see it. So many plans that we’ll never get to do together. So many occasions that his presence will never grace.
Gone. He’s gone.
The drive is a blur of tears and weighing thoughts. Someone pulls me out of the car, not even giving me a chance to walk. I wrap my body around Colton, holding on like he’s the glue I’ve been desperately searching for. It doesn’t feel like I’ll ever be able to piece myself back together from this level of agony. I don’t know how to process my grief, I don’t even know if I can. The one thing I do know is that my Wilds will be there to help me through it. However long it takes, they’ll hold my pieces until I have the strength to put myself back together.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brayleigh
Three days later we’re standing in front of the funeral home, my mom shaking and refusing to enter. It amazed me how quickly the funeral was pulled together, it felt like it took no time at all to plan out. Mom was in no shape to plan anything so it fell to me to make this happen. Thank god my guys were there to help me out, they helped with everything from calling people, to taking care of mom, to helping with the last will and testament of Dad.
“Mom,” I say gently, trying not to upset her more. “We need to go in. I have to talk to the funeral director before we start.”
“I can’t. I can’t go in there and say goodbye to him,” Mom cries, her voice barely recognizable through the tears.
“I’ve got her, you head in.” My aunt says as she walks up behind us.
“Thanks, Aunt Patty. I’ll see you in there,” I say, a fragile smile on my face.
I walk away, my head held high with a strength I am entirely faking. Colton said he was already inside, he came early to make sure things were set up properly. Unfortunately, the director needs some signatures that he can’t provide so I had to rush Mom out the door to get here. I’m glad Aunt Patty came to help out, her and Mom get along really well. She’s Dad’s only sister and the only girl in a group of five siblings. Mom and her became basically best friends right from the beginning, the two girls against all the boys. Apparently they got into a lot of mischief together, Dad bailed them out every time.
Reminiscing about Dad has become a major part of Mom’s time. If she’s not sleeping or crying, she’s telling stories about Dad all the time. It’s almost like if she doesn’t say them out loud, she’s afraid she’ll forget them or dishonour his memory. I can’t tell if telling the stories is helping or hurting her though, it’s probably too soon to know.
Walking in, I cringe at the smell. It’s not like it’s an unpleasant smell per se, it’s just exactly what you think a place that deals in flowery death would smell like. It’s old lady perfume, flowers, and an underlying smell I don’t want to think too much about. The place looks like it was decorated by someone with a Victorian era fetish. Everything is plush and extravagant in a not so tasteful way. Making my way to the director’s office that I was in just two days ago, my hands feel clammy and cold with the idea of going in there again. Colt is standing in the hallway texting someone as I approach. At the sound of my footsteps he looks up, a small sad smile on his face.
“Hey, baby. Where’s your mom?” he asks, his voice soft.
“Aunt Patty is with her outside. She didn’t want to come in,” I whisper, holding back tears at the thought of Mom.
Colton slides his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me into his chest. A sigh escapes as I melt into him, it feels so incredibly good to be held. This has been my safe place recently, in one of their arms. It’s the only place I’ll allow myself to be vulnerable right now, the only place I can let out my own grief. Mom can’t handle seeing me upset on top of her own anguish and I’m the only one that can execute my dad’s wishes.
“I’m so sorry, Bray. What are you guys doing after the funeral? I’m guessing your Mom is still refusing to go back to the ranch.” Colt rubs my back as he talks, his voice a deep rumble that soothes me.
“I don’t know. I know that I need to head back, there’s a lot that needs to be done there from what I saw last night. Stopping by to grab Mom and I clothes for the funeral is the most I’ve been there lately. The ranch can’t be avoided forever, but I can’t get Mom to go back and I can’t leave her at Archer’s alone. I’ll have to talk to maybe Aunt Patty and see if Mom can stay with her for a little while.” I pause, sucking in a breath. “I don’t have any idea what I’m doing, Colt. I feel lost.”
“We’ll figure it out together. I’ll text the others and we’ll make a plan for both you and your Mom. After the funeral we’ll talk to your Aunt and if that doesn’t work out then we’ll make a schedule for who stays with your Mom and you. I don’t want you staying at the ranch by yourself, one of us will be with you while you’re there just in case you need us.”
“You don’t need to do all of that!” I pull back, looking him in the eyes. “I appreciate the thought but you can’t upend your own lives for who knows how long just to take care of me and my mom. That’s too much to ask.”
“You didn’t ask, we’re offering. The guys and I already talked about it,” Colt says, brushing my face with the back of his fingers. “We voted to do this and it was unanimous so there’s no arguing.”
“You’re all too good to me.” Going on my toes, I lightly brush my lips against his. “I should go get these papers signed before people show up. Are the others on the way?”
