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Whether I agreed with his beliefs or not wasn’t the point, however. I reminded myself of that, trying to get myself back on track. He had called me his mate the night before, in his sleep. Had he meant it?
“Do you believe that I am yours? Your… fated mate?”I was not sure what answer I wanted him to give.
“Yes.” His eyes were tender, and I knew that he was sincere.
I just didn’t know how I felt about it. The throbbing between my legs helped to answer the question for me.
I set the washcloth down in the bucket. Then I approached him, closing the distance between us. Only a few inches from him, my head reached just slightly above the top of his fur. I tilted my head up to meet his gaze, while he looked down at me.
“I don’t believe in fated mates.”
I had been misled by enough men, and I didn’t want to take advantage of the centaur’s sweet nature. He seemed, maybe, a bit naïve or misguided, but I wanted to be honest. I had to tell him the truth, so that he didn’t feel I was just using him.
“But I do find you very attractive. It’s insane, but I want to know what it’s like. I want to drink the tea and find out.”
It wasn’t like I would ever get the chance again, and I had to sate my curiosity before I spent the rest of my life wondering if I’d missed out. I trusted Athos, and that was the most important part for me.
“I can’t help it.” I rested one hand on his tight stomach. I ran it over his muscles, enjoying the way they felt. “I want my body to be able to receive yours. Please make me the tea.”
Athos wasted no time. His eyes lit up, clearly pleased by my response, and he turned to the table to fetch the necessary herbs. I giggled, half out of nervousness and half in amusement.
I watched him for a while as he worked. He read along with his book, following the recipe. He put his mixture into a little sack of cloth, tying it shut with a string. Then he poured water into a small pot and heated it over the fireplace.
I picked up the little baggie of herbs that he had left on the table, eyeing it. It seemed so small and inconsequential for something that he’d promised could do so much. I turned it around in my hand, then leaned over to take a sniff. The aroma wasn’t anything particularly dramatic. It smelled a little bit like lemon, but not quite as strong, and there was a certain mellow undercurrent that reminded me of cantaloupe. I set it back down on the table. My overwhelmed mind was lost in thought, starting to wonder just what I’d agreed to.
I’d never tried anything like this before. I was the sort of person who never ingested anything but food or drink; not even alcohol. Hell, I didn’t even smoke.
My brother had died of an overdose when I was young, which had scared an abundance of caution into me. I trusted that Athos wouldn’t give me something that was unsafe but… was this crazy? Had I lost my mind?
Deep down, I knew that I really had no idea what I was taking. Athos had said it was an herb, but that didn’t mean it was a good idea. Toxins like nightshade were technically natural, too, but they were still toxins. Just because one called them herbs and made them into tea didn’t suddenly make them healthy.
He’d said there was a documented history of this recipe. That other people had taken it and been okay. Of course, that was true for dangerous drugs, too. Not everyone who took them died right away. It wasn’t like he’d produced scientific studies, and it was still just hearsay.
I wavered for a while. On the one hand, I knew it wasn’t the same as drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. But on the other hand, I couldn’t help but worry. It wasn’t like me to be so reckless. I was something of a control freak, and this was a big leap.
Realizing that it was out of character didn’t make it any easier to accept. I wondered if it was a sign that I wasn’t thinking clearly. Had I hit my head too hard when I fell? Had something shaken loose in my brain? Was this a trauma reaction that I would come to regret?
The water was finally hot. Athos pulled the pot away from the fire and poured some of the water into a cup. Turning back around, he reached for the sachet of herbs and dropped it in. Letting it steep in the hot water, I watched as the liquid darkened. He gently stirred it, taking care to not break open the bag.
I looked at him while he did this, trying to evaluate him more critically. But I couldn’t find any flaw that would convince me to back out. He hadn’t forced me into anything and had been nothing but honest with me. My curiosity had just won out, and I wasn’t ready to give up, even if I was a little scared.
Yes, I’d just agreed to something that most people would find strange. They would judge me for it. But was there a good reason? Or was it all just conditioning? Athos was kind and harmless. He had been nothing but nice to me. Why was a bad human partner somehow automatically better than a less traditional one? He wouldn’t be my first, but the men I’d experienced were generally only so-so. I couldn’t help but wonder how Athos might satisfy me. He was more responsive to my needs than humans were.
IMRA had conditioned me to believe that alien monsters were dangerous, something that I was now seeing in a different light. Was this really that crazy, or was it just my chance to discover for myself that what other people said wasn’t always right? I couldn’t know if I didn’t try, after all.
In the eyes of society, it would make more sense for me to sleep with Finn. A man that I basically hated, who hadn’t needed any coaxing to leave me for dead. Just because of who he was. And somehow, sex with Athos was forbidden. Did I really believe that, or did I just have a hard time letting go because of everything I had been taught?
Athos finally brought me the cup. I stared into the light brown liquid for a while, feeling the warmth of it in my hands. He didn’t say a word as I sat; just waited.
I brought it up closer to my face, taking another sniff. It seemed harmless enough. My palms began to sweat, both excited and anxious.
It felt like the first time I jumped off a diving board. I was dying to do it, even if my nerves objected. But when I finally went through with it, it had proved to be an exhilarating rush. Hopefully, this giddy stirring in my stomach was an indication that this, too, would end happily.
I looked up at him. In his eyes was a depth of emotion. Though we didn’t say a word, it felt as if a certain understanding passed between us in that moment.
I took a deep breath, noticing the weight of the cup in my hands. It felt heavy, but somehow right. And then I drank the tea to the last drop.
Chapter Seven
