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“See! I told you that you’d get used to it.” Beez stretched and touched Alcy’s hand. The intimate gesture was a far cry from their bickering, and took Carter by surprise. Beez grinned. “It only took a millennium.”
“I still don’t like it,” Alcy grumbled.
“Wait another millennium, and you’ll find it more appealing than Alcindor. Trust me on that.”
“Whatever,” Alcy said with a roll of his eyes.
Carter wanted to blurt outAm I disturbing you two?Because they seemed to have forgotten his existence, locked in their own private discussion. He cleared his throat. “Okay… back to the problem… So what do we do about this?”
Alcy raised his eyebrows. “Whatever do you mean? The answer is clear. Beez already gave you the solution. You must choose one of us.”
“But.... What am I choosing you for?”
Beez grinned, a slow, lazy smile. “Well, with me, you’ll get nights of the hottest sex you’ll ever find. When I’m done with you, I will ruin you for all others. No man will be my equal.”
Wow. Carter was floored by Beez’s lack of humility. Then a quiet voice inside his head piped up.But what if he’s right? What if he really isthatgood?
“With me, you’ll get nights of stimulating conversation,” Alcy stated with obvious pride. “Everything from comic books to world events. I will expand your mind, and you will wonder how you ever survived without a friend like me.”
Beez cackled. “So there you have it. A hot fuck, or a scintillating conversation about whether Captain America and Bucky had a thing going.” He nudged Carter with his shoulder. “Spoiler alert—they totally did. Bucky topped America’s Ass so many times, the seed should have been flowing from every orifice. In fact, it was Bucky’s cum that gave Captain America his powers.”
“Will you stop that?” Alcy snapped. “Not everything is about sex.”
“But wouldn’t it be more fun if it was?” Beez suggested with a glint in his eye.
This constant back and forth confused the hell out of Carter. “Okay…. When you have a minute… How is that supposed to solve anything?”
“Because, my dear,” Alcy said, stroking Carter’s arm. “we’re going to teach you to find the person who is your match. We will find your perfect mate.” He glanced at Beez. “And apparently, we’re going to do it together.”
Beez leered. “This could get real interesting.”
That was certainly one word for it.
They sat in silence for several long minutes, and Carter was grateful for the reprieve. His mind was going a mile a minute, trying to wrap his head around the fact he had two celestial beings in his room.What am I supposed to do in circumstances like this?
The answer appeared obvious—take advantage of it, if he could.
“So… can I ask questions?” Carter asked, his voice faltering.
“Of course.” Alcy beamed. “We’re here to answer whatever we can.”
“Okay, then tell me about Heaven and Hell. I mean, what’s it like dealing with all that… evil?”
Beez and Alcy sighed in sync. Beez spoke first. “Despite what preachers tell you, Heaven and Hell are not for saints or sinners. They’re for people who want different things in life. Hell, as you refer to it, is more hedonistic. We’re all about the pleasure. Eternal lakes of fire and punishment? Only if that’s what you’re into.” He leaned in. “And trust me, I’ve met a few people who were.”
“Heaven is for those who are more spiritual,” Alcy continued, “and want to reflect on life, the universe, and everything. It’s not a place you go to because you were good, just like Hell isn’t where you go for being bad.”
Now Carter was really lost. “But what about people whoarebad? Where do they go?”
Beez sneered. “Into the ground. People like that, who have no hope of redemption, don’t go anywhere. They’re not welcome in either place.”
“So they just… die?”
Alcy shook his head. “No. Have you heard of reincarnation? Humans who harbor hatred in their hearts, who are incapable of love? Their souls are, for lack of a better word, recycled. They’re put into new bodies, in the hope that this lifetime will teach them a new, better way to live.”
“Why?” Carter asked.
“Well, you see, there’s nature, and there’s nurture. No one is born evil or hating. Look at babies, and you’ll see nothing but love shining in their eyes. As they grow, though, there are so many factors that influence who they will become, including mental illness, abandonment, peer pressure… Those are just three of a thousand things that make a person who and what they are. Some people are strong enough to seek help to deal with the problem, and they go on to lives filled with love and joy. Others become obsessed with their hatred, until it consumes them.”
