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Thank God. His dick wouldn’t have survived walking in on that visual.
“I was curious! I’ve never met anyone who . . .” She gestured at her closed computer.
; His chuckle reverberated low in his throat. “Why am I not surprised that you’ve never met an adult performer?”
“Oh. Is that the, um, preferred vernacular?”
“I guess it depends who I’m talking to.” He stopped to consider, sinking onto the sofa. People didn’t usually ask for his opinion on the matter. “I can’t speak for everyone, but if I’m with someone from the industry, I’m more likely to say performer. Porn star is the term I hear most often in a cultural context, and I’m fine with it as a more universal shorthand, even if it does feel a little goofy to apply it to myself.”
Clara eyed the couch wearily for a moment before joining him.
He’d meant to make this more comfortable for both of them by taking a seat. Not scare her further with his proximity. Josh reached out a hand to reassure her with a gentle pat on the arm, but pulled back at the last moment and tossed her the blanket hanging off the back of the sofa instead.
His life revolved around touching strangers. It was no wonder he had all these instincts to offer Clara physical comfort. He had to keep reminding himself that they hardly knew each other. Josh never worried that his job affected his mental state, but maybe he should.
He didn’t bat an eyelash at licking a strange woman’s pussy ten minutes after meeting her, so why did the idea of patting Clara’s forearm give him a thrill?
“Any other questions?” No one ever had only one when it came to his job. Better to get the inevitable inquisition over with now.
Clara wrapped the throw around her shoulders and Josh mourned the loss of the view.
“Yes. Sorry. What’s your name? Your real name, I mean.”
At least that one was easy. “It’s Josh. Joshua Conners.”
“Don’t tell me ‘Darling’ is your middle name?”
He shook his head ruefully. “Plenty of people spend a lot of time and energy coming up with a fake name when they go into porn, but I fell into mine. My first day on set, we had this crazy British director. The guy wore a beret unironically. Anyway, I walked up and introduced myself. He asked me my name, and I told him. I didn’t know any better.”
“You didn’t think to use the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on?”
“I’m not sure Dingus Winslow would have gone over well.” Josh warmed at the memory of his beloved hamster.
“Probably not.”
“It was dumb luck that every time the director wanted me to lift my leg or whatever he would yell out ‘Josh, darling.’ The PA on set that day must have thought it was my stage name. They took it down, and the next thing I know the video comes out and there it is in the credits.”
“How did you . . . ?” She cleared her throat. “Why do you . . . ? That is to say . . . How did you find yourself in this particular line of work?”
Ah yes. The careful Clara version of How did you end up fucking on camera?
“I used to valet for big Hollywood parties in the Valley. One night, some guy caught me going down on his wife in his Maserati. I thought for sure he’d hit me, but instead, he offered me a job if I could keep going and keep my hard-on while he watched. I was twenty-four and a college dropout. The idea that someone wanted to pay me to have sex sounded a hell of a lot better than trying to get a real job.”
Josh tried to gauge her reaction. She hadn’t fled from the room or curled her lip in disgust, so he kept talking.
“It turned out I had a knack for it. Not everyone can handle the stress of all the cameras and having to perform on command, you see.” He refused to admit any shame in that moment. He’d never let anyone make him feel bad about his work and he didn’t intend to start now. So what if Clara didn’t approve of his choices? She could get in line behind the long list of other people. A line that started with his mother.
A tiny crease formed between her brows. “But you must have considered other occupations?”
“Oh, I see. You’re fishing for my secret pain.”
She tugged on the hem of her shirt again. “Secret pain?”
“Yeah, you know. What terrible tragedy occurred to force me to take up a seedy career in adult entertainment? Why would anyone undamaged fuck for money, right?” He clenched his jaw.
He’d participated in this conversation countless times, especially with women who wanted to redeem him. If Clara found his job distasteful, she could walk out at any time. He would even lend a hand as she packed her bags.
