AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He’d never considered that out of all his choices, his silence would be the one that broke his parents. At twenty-four, he’d felt like a failure. No one had expected anything from him and nothing was exactly what he’d given them. “I always assumed I had to choose.”
Bread hit the hot pan with another sizzle. The scent of toast became another memory ignited on this painful walk down memory lane.
Hi
s mother finally turned to face him. “That’s the worst part. You gave me and your father zero credit. You cut us off before we even got a chance to respond. I felt like a bad mother, not because you chose to have sex on camera, but because you didn’t trust me enough to love you while you did it.”
Josh realized he’d internalized a lot of the stigma surrounding his occupation. Had let it craft his vision of that November night and the subsequent fallout. “I told myself I was doing you a favor by staying away.”
She sighed, turning to flip the grilled cheese. “In your rush to protect yourself from heartache, you’re always the first to jump to conclusions.”
The truth of that statement was undeniable. He’d rushed to push Clara away before she could condemn him, the same way he’d fled from his family. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve come to accept that that’s a crummy strategy.”
“You owe the people who love you the benefit of the doubt.” She piled the steaming sandwiches on a plate.
Josh rubbed his eyes and groaned at what an absolute idiot he’d allowed himself to be for so long. “I’m really sorry, Ma.”
Bringing the plate with her, she sat down across from him, separating two halves until they created the kind of cheese pull usually reserved for Kraft Singles commercials. “Jerk.” Her smile was contagious as she passed him his own grilled cheese.
“You really don’t care that I’ve been performing?”
“Look, I’ve had two years to process this information and for me, it always comes down to this: I care about you being safe and happy. And about the blockers your father put on my computer so I never accidentally see you mounting anyone. As long as those three things hold up, you’re an adult and I respect your choices.”
The acceptance and love meant more to him than he could ever articulate. “Thank you.”
“I’ve always believed in the infinite power of your goodness, Joshua. I’m sure whatever sex you choose to have, on or off camera, both of which I never want to hear about, is an expression of that. Now I’m going to eat the rest of this grilled cheese sandwich, and when I’m done I’d like to discuss things that in no way involve your genitalia for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Josh took his own bite, letting his eyes fall closed.
He knew his mom had let him off easy. Knew he’d have to apologize all over again once his dad got home. Most of all, he knew he owed Clara more than an apology. Josh had watched her face her fears over and over in the last few months. Now it was his turn.
He had all the pieces. All he’d needed was the courage to put them together.
chapter thirty-five
RECKLESSNESS PUMPED IN Clara Wheaton’s veins, as potent as any other poison. Following in the footsteps of many a scorned woman before her, she’d gone and blown an absurd amount of money on a flight and a dress designed to make men pant. The moment she stepped outside the airport in Las Vegas—the last leg on Everett’s band’s tour—all moisture drained from her body. Well, at least what remained following an onboard crying jag that had drawn concerned whispers from several passengers. She supposed most people cried on the way home from Sin City, rather than on the way there.
The travel-size pack of tissues in her purse had proven no match for the way her confrontation with Josh had stripped her of whatever remaining armor she possessed against the world. Every inch of her felt flayed open. Raw.
Love. He’d said love. Love, in the same breath he’d used to declare she’d never find anything better. Despite all the worrying she’d done in her lifetime, none of her contingency plans covered this type of emotional implosion. For so long, she’d refused to allow herself to indulge the idea of building a romantic future with Josh. Two people as different as they were couldn’t fit into each other’s lives without carnage and bloodshed. They’d made an attempt and ended up the first victims.
Reverting to her original plan, otherwise known as Operation Everett, made sense on paper. Clara needed to remind herself of what she used to want so she could stop thinking about a love she could never have.
Attempting to swish her hips, she entered a dive bar on the outskirts of town that stank of fried onions and stale beer. Making her sway fluid with luggage in tow was no easy task, but she’d traded in her reputation as a conservative socialite for one as a champion of the clitoris. She might as well act like it. Some sort of sex appeal through osmosis should have occurred after all her time spent around people who excelled at raising pulses. And . . . appendages. The bottom of her heel stuck to the sticky floor and she stumbled. Or not.
At seven p.m., the bar held only a smattering of customers, but the band’s website said they went on in half an hour. A small stage with a lone mic stand and a despondent-looking amp flopped facedown took up most of the back wall.
“Excuse me?” Clara caught the eye of the surly bartender. “I’m looking for Everett Bloom and the Shot of Adrenaline.”
He pointed a rag at the door down a dark hallway. “Check out back. Think he went for a smoke.”
“Thanks.” Clara wrapped her arms around herself and stepped carefully over piles of peanut shells littering the floor. Reuniting with Everett was supposed to cut through the miserable haze that had engulfed her ever since she’d left Danvers Street. Instead, she just felt numb.
“Actually.” She spun around. “May I have a shot of your finest tequila, please?” Fingers crossed that the burn of alcohol reminded her she was alive.
The bartender passed her the drink with an appreciative smile. “On the house.”
At least she knew the dress worked.
