AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I wasn’t sure what else to say, but at least I had apologized like Mrs. Thorpe had wanted. It was the first real conversation I’d had with Julia as well, and it was nice to have a momentary peace treaty.
“Does it ever get any easier?” she asked.
“Eventually, in time. There are good days and bad days. Some days the good ones are really good, and other times the bad ones are really bad. Sometimes you can go months without thinking about it and then it’ll hit you like a juggernaut and you’re right back at the moment where you found out. It’s like no time has passed at all. I think you just learn how to cope with it, how to move on.”
Julia nodded. I stayed there for a few moments longer in case she needed to talk about anything else, but she was as silent as Adam. I rose and left the room, knowing that as soon as I did we would go back to our old dynamic. I offered one last apology, but this time it wasn’t an apology for what I had done, it was an expression of sympathy at her plight. It had always seemed wrong to me that a child had to be without their parents.
Chapter Eleven
I left Julia’s room with mixed feelings. I didn’t think anything was going to change, even though I had a better insight into her behavior. At least I had gotten rid of the knot of anxiety that had twisted like a knife inside me. As I walked down the corridor, I passed Angelica and the two boys. She scowled at me and quickly returned to Julia’s room, probably eager to discover what we had discussed. She might have even been afraid that I was going to take her place, not that that would ever happen.
I turned a corner and was surprised to see Josh leaning against the wall. He pushed himself forward and flashed me that charming smile of his.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I thought I’d come and see how you got on. I figured Mrs. Thorpe would want you to apologize. She’s quite big on people making up for their mistakes, and I thought you might need to see a friendly face when you came out.”
“But the game?”
Josh shrugged. “It’s not the first game I’ve seen, and it won’t be the last. Besides, it wasn’t a close thing. The game was basically over in the first quarter. So how was it in there?”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that nobody else was in earshot and then nodded forward. We walked towards one of the secluded cloisters so we could have a bit of privacy. “It was strange really. I apologized. At first I didn’t think she was going to listen to me, but then she ordered the others out and she wanted to speak to me alone. It’s not easy to understand the pain. She just wanted someone who knew what she was going through to sit with her.”
“Is this the beginning of a beautiful friendship?”
“Oh no,” I shuddered, “not at all. She made it quite clear that nothing was going to change, nor would I expect it to. Give her a few days and she’ll be back to normal I’m sure.”
“Did she say if she was going to leave?”
“I don’t think so. This place is her home really. It’s quite sad; her parents basically shunned her and put her into boarding school and then this place. I don’t think she’s ever had a place apart from school that she can really call home. Her parents don’t sound like nice people.”
“No…I’ve always assumed that when I have a kid I’ll want to spend as much time with them as possible.”
“You want kids?”
“Yeah, I think so. It would be fun, I think, to teach someone and watch them grow and learn from their mistakes. If I get the chance that is,” he added, looking sheepish.
“I think that’s nice. I have to have a kid one day even though I’m not sure I really want one, at least I can’t imagine having one just yet,” I said carelessly. I didn’t even realize my slip up until he pointed it out.
“What do you mean you ‘have’ to have kids?”
My eyes widened in panic and my mind worked quickly to try and cover for my mistake. “I just meant because I’m the last of my family. I never had any brothers, or sisters, or cousins, so I feel like I have a responsibility to try and keep things going. I feel like I owe it to my parents since they never got the chance to have any more kids.”
“It’s like Adam says, the purpose of life is to spread more life. It’s not very romantic, but it probably has more than a grain of truth to it.”
“Yeah…I was talking to him the other day in class and to Troy as well. What happened with him? He said that he hurt someone in the past, and Troy said that he’s not as gentle as you might think.”
Josh seemed to be considering whether to tell me more or not. “I’m surprised that Adam told you that much to be honest. He doesn’t like talking about the past. Well, he doesn’t like talking much at all, really. I suppose there’s no harm in telling you. It’s not like it’s a secret, he just doesn’t like reliving it. I keep telling him that it was just a mistake and that people always make mistakes. He’s not the only one.” He inhaled sharply. “Basically there was someone he liked a few years ago. He was young, naïve, didn’t really know how these things worked. I think he assumed that because he felt such strong feelings for her that she would return them. It seemed natural to him, and sure, she liked him and was friendly with him, but she didn’t have the same type of feelings. Adam couldn’t understand this. He thought if he just tried to show her and proved to her the depth of his feelings that she would understand. He couldn’t seem to grasp that she knew exactly how he felt, she just didn’t feel the same way. But, he wanted her badly, and he tried to convince her, and he ended up scaring her away. She screamed and basically tore herself away from him, and he hates thinking that he could ever have driven anyone to be so scared of him. Adam is a very sensitive soul and he takes things personally. He’s never been able to get over that.”
“Oh,” I said. Somehow I had expected something more.
“He’ll get over it eventually, but for the time being he’s happy with his plants.”
“And what about you? Are you wise in the ways of romance?”
“Is anyone?” Josh answered We both laughed. “I don’t know…I guess I’d like company, but there are some things…I’m not sure I really know myself yet. I feel like I should understand myself before I get with another person. It just seems like it would get complicated otherwise.”
“I guess part of a relationship is getting to know yourself as well as the other person.”
