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“I need to get out of the sun. The forest will offer some shade. I’ll only go to the edge. The plants look more interesting there anyway. I was hoping that you could teach me something about them. I’ve never been interested in flowers,” I said. “How did your Mom teach you?”
Playing on his interest worked, as he skipped up to me and warned me that we’d only be going to the edge. I smirked, as my plan was coming to fruition. I needed to get away from the prying eyes of the clubhouse and then make my move. If I got into the forest then I was one step closer to home or, frankly, anywhere away from here. I didn’t care where I ended up, just as long as it was far away from this crazy place.
“She used to bring me out here and she taught me about how different herbs and plants go together. So one might be harmful when it is by itself, but paired with something else it has a different effect entirely. Some are used to treat wounds, some can induce sleep, some are nourishing. The natural world gives us a lot and we don’t use it to its full potential. The knowledge that has been passed down to me is valuable and there’s a danger of it getting lost. The way the world is now…people don’t have the time or patience to learn skills like these. It’s an art, and I’m not bragging by saying that.”
“I’m sure you’re not,” I said, and I got him to pick out a few things. We reached the edge of the forest. He was happily chatting away. I glanced over my shoulder as the clubhouse receded into the distance and I was glad that nobody had noticed our absence or, if they had, they had enough confidence in Matt to handle me. The shadows touched our bodies and the air grew cooler. Now that we were out of the sun my skin prickled as the temperature changed. Green light bathed us as the leaves shielded us from the sun and the world smelled earthy and genuine.
“What was she like, your Mom?” I asked, as we walked deeper and deeper into the woods, betraying his intention to keep to the edge. The shadows enveloped us and I had him alone, so I felt more confident of succeeding in my goals. He picked up a few flowers here and there, or pointed out an herb and told me about it. I filed away the information for later, but I was mostly concerned with getting my bearings and looking for the best way out. Thankfully there were a lot of fallen branches on the ground and I just had to wait for the right moment, and it had to be right. If I acted at the wrong time it would ruin any chance I had of escaping. Matt would never trust me again and I’d never be allowed out on a walk in the forest.
“Oh she was wonderful, so kind and caring. Dad was away a lot so she brought me up mostly by herself. But she taught me all about the world and what it meant to be a part of the balance. She said that everything had a purpose in the world, even if it was really
small, and that one day I’d find my purpose. The knowledge of these plants had been passed down for generations and I was happy to learn. Sometimes we’d spend entire weeks camping out here, learning all about the natural world. People thought we were strange, but we were happy.”
“It sounds peaceful, and nice that you were so close,” I said, feeling a little envious that he had such a close relationship with his Mom when mine had been so fractious. “What made you want to join the MC then? Didn’t you want to take this knowledge elsewhere? Maybe you could have started your own school and taught others, spread the knowledge a bit?”
A rueful look came upon his face.
“I couldn’t leave the MC. It’s in my blood. As much as the world has moved on, I couldn’t leave. It’s my destiny.”
“You sound like you believe all that stuff,” I folded my arms across my chest.
“You will too, once you understand everything. It’s…there’s something bigger out there than all of us and it binds us together. It sets us on a path and we have to do our best to keep to that. There’s a chain that remains unbroken between all that live, and we are but links. The only purpose we have in life is to ensure that the chain continues.”
“Did your mother teach you that?”
“No, my father did, actually.”
“Even though he was away a lot?”
“He came back when he could and he was away on important business. Did you know your father?” Matt asked pointedly. Breath caught in my throat, as rarely anyone asked me about my father.
“No, I didn’t,” I said curtly. “It was always just me and Mom. She said that he was some actor and she was trying to get on his show, but he never repaid the promise he made and instead of a life in show business she had me instead.”
“It was a good trade,” Matt said.
I smiled at the kind words. “Not for her. As far as she was concerned, I had taken away any chance she had of being famous. She blamed me for it, and tried to redeem that one mistake by giving me the life she never had, but I wasn’t her. I couldn’t be her. I couldn’t do the things she wanted me to do and it all ended in failure.”
“I don’t know about that, you sang beautifully on stage. I’m sure if you really wanted it you could have been famous.”
“But that was the issue, I never really wanted it and Mom couldn’t understand why. To her fame was all that mattered.”
“Aside from you. She gave it all up for you.”
“I don’t think she had much of a choice.”
“People always have a choice and she chose you. You were her choice, even if she never fully accepted the way her life turned out and, maybe, you were just meant for something greater,” he said.
I hated to admit it, but talking to Matt was good for my soul. Nobody had ever said anything with such clarity before and he made me see Mom in a different light. I never really thought about what it must have been like for her to be faced with the impossible choice of having a child or having another shot at the career she had always dreamed of having. She had thrown that all away for my sake and, I suppose, I shouldn’t have been too angry at her for trying to force me into the Hollywood life, as it was the only thing she knew. Just like Matt’s mother she had tried to pass on her knowledge and, like a brat, I had only thought of myself and never realized what it truly meant.
And I’d never get the chance to tell her.
“I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. She’s dead and I’m here,” I said. The mood darkened and suddenly things had taken an unexpected turn. I hadn’t prepared to share any of my innermost feelings with one of these men and I had to hold my heart together to stop it from falling apart and ruining my chances of escaping. My mind whirred as Matt continued talking about some of the history of the MC, how his father had proudly worn the badge and how, even though Matt hadn’t seen him that much, he still wanted to emulate the man. It was a good thing for someone to have such a close connection with his parents and it made me realize how bereft I had been of family guidance. Whenever I thought of my father there was nothing but a blank slate, an empty space where a person should have been. Mom never told me anything about him either. I had tried to do some detective work and figure out which show he had been working on when Mom had the relationship, but I’d never made any progress. When I was a kid I used to dream that one day he’d track me down, that he wanted to find me as much as I wanted to find him and in some strange way our two fates would collide, drawn together by an invisible string that was unbreakable.
But it never happened.
“, my word,” Matt suddenly gasped. He crouched down near a plant with black leaves, shaped like lapels on a shirt. He spoke in a hushed tone, as though the plant was prey and it would run away if he spoke loudly. He curled his hands around it protectively and the plant seemed to react to his presence, the petals twitched. “Now this is one of the rarest plants found in the wood. I’ve barely seen it bloom and you might be quite interested in this one because when distilled and paired with-”
But I didn’t get to hear what the effects would be, nor did I care. As soon as he crouched down and his back was turned to me I searched around for a weapon, knowing that this was my chance. I was far enough into the woods that I could get a good head start before Matt awoke and raised the alarm. I might even be able to flee and escape this hell, and get back to the fragments of my real life. As he marveled at the plant, his attention completely enraptured by the black leaves, I curled my hand around a thick branch. I felt a little guilty at first, as he had been nice to me and shared his emotions with me. He’d even gotten me to open up and talk about my deep feelings, as well as reflect on things that I hadn’t thought about for a while. But I hardened my heart and reminded myself that even if he was the nicest of the three, he had still been a part of a trio that had kidnapped me and that was unforgivable. I wasn’t going to give myself to them. I wasn’t going to meekly surrender to this breeding wish of theirs. Mom had always taught me how to fight, and if that was the only legacy she had left me, then it was a worthy one.
