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It has to be, otherwise I’ll be trapped again. I refuse to be someone’s pawn, but I can be a partner. The only way that will happen is if he opens his heart and sees that there’s love inside.
Chapter 17
Hunter
What is love even? I’ve been pondering this thought for two weeks. Is it how my breath catches when her lips curve into a gentle smile? Is it the way that I’m anxious whenever she’s not by my side, even if it’s to go to the bathroom? Is it the relief I feel whenever she returns?
Is that love?
I’ve been rolling the word around my tongue, testing its flavor. It feels foreign and ill-fitting like someone else’s suit coat that’s too tight around the shoulders. I’m not a man made for love. I’m a man molded by revenge. But I have revenge now. I own Rose. I own her brother. I have the power to erase the Vandermeer name from existence. Yet, there’s no satisfaction there. Something is missing. Even when I’m deep inside of her, when I’m seated to the hilt, when the broad head of my dick pushes against her womb, even then there’s something missing.
It’s the love thing. It’s her love that she’s keeping from me because I don’t know how to love her back.
No matter how many orgasms I wring from her, no matter how many times I get her to sob my name, she still holds something back. There’s a part of her I can’t reach and it’s driving me mad.
“You look upset. Is the deal a bad one?” Rose asks. She’s settled into the corner of the sofa in the large library of the Tuscany villa we’re staying in. It’s early evening but her aunt has already retired for the night. Nora Weatherly is an astute woman and tries to give Rose and me a good amount of alone time.
“You’re newlyweds,” she proclaimed the other night after Rose had urged her to join us in the library.
I thanked Nora and had Chris deposit an additional sum of money into an account as a way of showing my appreciation.
Rose is reading a romance book while I’m supposed to be reviewing a real estate deal for a large estate in the neighborhood. An architect bought a ramshackle castle and has invested several million in renovating it. He’s run out of money and now seeks a buyer. It’s a shitty investment because it needs more work to bring it to its former glory. The interior is decently finished but the three hundred acres of parkland and woods need a significant overhaul. I’d never be able to sell it and make a profit, but Rose’s eyes glowed the moment the car turned down the long tree-covered drive.
“No, it’s perfect.” I don’t know what I can do to make her love me, but I have enough money to buy anything she likes. Maybe that will convince her I’m worthy. I slap the portfolio closed. “I’m buying the castle.”
“Oh? The one with the swans in the lake?”
The estate has two black swans—Tristan and Isolde. Rose murmured that perhaps the two star-crossed lovers were finally getting the happy ending they deserved. “Yes. You liked it, right?”
“It was beautiful. Will you turn it into a hotel?”
I pause in the middle of texting Chris. “A hotel?”
She draws her feet up underneath her. I wonder if she’s cold. I rise and grab the blanket lying over the back of one of the chairs and drape it over her legs.
“It’s so big. Didn’t you say it has like twenty bedrooms? I suppose that won’t accommodate very many people though. What will you do with it?”
She means how will I make money on this deal. I settle next to her, picking up her left hand. I rub my thumb over the giant rock that signifies our marriage bond. “What if we lived there?”
“What do you mean?”
I clear my throat. “What if we make that our permanent residence and raise our family there?”
Rose isn’t pregnant, but at the rate we’re fucking it will be soon. I want it so bad. If I plant my baby in her belly, she can’t leave me. She’d never leave the father of her child as long as the father was decent. “I’ll be a good father,” I swear to her.
She draws back slightly, surprised by my vehemence. “That’s a very large place to raise a family. How many children do you plan on having?”
I bring her hand to my mouth. “How many do you want?” How many will keep you by my side?
“Four,” she answers immediately. My heart soars. She’s thought about having our children. I start to smile until her next words slash through my balloon of joy. “But not for a while. Not until…” She trails off.
I close my eyes. Not until I love her. That’s what she wants. No. It’s what she deserves. I wish I had it in me to give it to her.
