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Where will the Goddess lead you? I hope and pray she leads you to me. I still miss you. Even though I’m pissed that you haven’t answered me, I promise you’re forgiven in advance. Just come. See me.
Love,
Cat
Three Weeks Later
I’m having twins! Can you believe it? Two babies! The Goddess is extremely generous in her blessings. I’m over the moon.
Here’s the thing. I’m sorry. For leaving. For not trying to contact you until now. For taking you for granted when you were so easily still in my arms.
Vivica and I have discussed it to my wit’s end. Running away from intimacy is easy for me. I apologize that I never learned to sit with my feelings.
Being a part of such a large relationship has taught me to manage my own emotions and to communicate better. But as much as I care for these people that I’m building my life around, it’s you that I find myself missing. What’s wonderful is that the love I’m surrounded by is so pure, it can’t be jealous. I want Adam and Gerard to deepen their love together. I want Ian and Vivica to experience as much joy and pleasure with others as possible. And if you don’t want what I’m asking for yourself, I want you to find it with someone else. Because you deserve to be loved enthusiastically and holistically. Again, I’m sorry for never telling you that.
Love,
Cat
A Month Later
Maya,
I saw my twins today on the ultrasound screen. They were both turned away. I’d hoped to learn whether I’m having two girls or two boys, but that’s a surprise for another day.
Here’s the thing, I’m sitting here growing two beings inside of me. It’s a freaking thing. Freaky and confusing. Because on one hand, it scares me that my life could be irrevocably different at any moment. On the other hand, I welcome those two souls into being. I feel like I already know them. And I want you to know them too.
If I’m bothering you, I’d also like to hear that. When you’re silent, it feels like you’re just listening to me, like you always did. Perhaps it’s just my imagination, but it feels as if we’re having a conversation.
I miss you damnit.
Cat
-5 Weeks later-
Maya,
I look like I swallowed a basketball. You would enjoy this. Remember how you used to tease me about only gaining weight in my thighs? Well, not any longer. I’m all belly these days. Not that I mind. There is a certain freedom in delightful roundness. Not one that I ever experienced before this.
When we used to meet with new men, I would suck in my gut as tight as I could. Our lovers only saw me in pre-rehearsed poses. Now, I’m happy to let it all hang out. This is going to be my last message. I’m hoping that your preparing your thoughts, sitting in nature and observing, and letting your heart decide.
I’ll be waiting.
Cat
-10 Months Later-
Little baby Rose and Rowan slept silently in Rose’s crib. Their adorable smushed faces were perfectly plump and round. It was all I could do not to reach out and squeeze them, but I didn’t dare. Sleep was hard to come by these days.
How did women on the outside do it? Even with all of the resources the tribe provided me: a full-time ex-breeder, a nurse, a personal trainer, and Goddess knows who else comes in here to help, I’m still having trouble keeping up with the demands of motherhood.
Even with Vivica and Maya right next door, I sometimes feel alone in this fantastical spinning circus that is now my life. And of course, now they’ve got their own little shapeshifters to run their days.
Although I’m glad Vivica stayed, we’re not as close as we once were. Rylan, her breeder, has a voracious appetite for all things Vivica. She had twins a few weeks ago and I’ve only visited once. I’m not sure things will ever be the same again, but I’m glad she’s happy.
As always, Maya was quite the surprise. Months after I sent my letters to her with no response, she showed up to the next breeding tryouts. I was so happy to see her that I forgot all about tribal protocol. After throwing my arms around her and enveloping her in a huge hug, I badgered her for details. She’d decided that she’d give it a shot. But, she warned me at the first threat of discomfort, she was out of the forest and back into the cabin. She’s due in the spring.
She’s got two shapeshifters living with her; Dart and Blink. And if you can believe it, they’ve been almost pleasant. I wouldn’t give her up for anything. She’s not forgiven me entirely, but she’s here. I’m not sure where we’ll end up, but we’re learning about each other again. I hope that one day, she’ll trust me. I’ve laid my heart out on the table. That’s the important thing.
