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“Accept the fact that it may take time,” he adds. “We keep her line of communication with her family open.”
“What if they want to come here?” I suddenly remember. We can’t have other humans running around here, especially now that our relationship with Leo is cracking, which might lead to trouble.
“We’ll have to tell her everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yes,” Theron nods. “We bare ourselves.”
I couldn’t resist chuckling.
“You used that word on purpose, admit it,” I tell him, punching his shoulder playfully.
“That was the first one that popped to mind and I guess I can be funny sometimes, too,” he smiles at me. “But you get what I’m trying to say. We tell her. I hope there won’t be a need to show her.”
I sigh. I know exactly what he means. I wanted us to go not simply because there are contracts and deliveries to be made, but also because of Leo and his guys who are probably coming up with an attack plan as we speak. They know where we are. I’m sure of that. Thor didn’t crack his own neck. So, being here, just the four of us, isn’t my favorite option. However, if it’s best for Isabel, then we’ll make it work. I know both Theron and Zarael agree. I don’t even need to ask them.
“If Leo attacks, we’ll be ready,” I assure him. “Don’t worry about that.”
“That won’t be good for Isabel’s recovery,” Theron shakes his head and I know he’s right. But there’s nothing I can do.
“She won’t get hurt,” I tell him. “We won’t let that happen.”
Theron gazes into my eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. I know I can trust him with my own life and that is enough to follow this plan.
Chapter 21
“It’s the strangest thing,” I tell Zarael, as we’re sitting in Theron’s shack, a place I thought I wouldn’t be seeing again for a very long time, if ever. “I just can’t explain it.”
“Are you in any physical pain?” he asks me gently, as he sits opposite me.
Between us is a wobbly little table, which stands balanced out thanks to a little piece of folded paper that keeps it aligned. It usually has cups filled with tea or coffee, but today, it’s empty. It’s all nicely cleared up. Come to think of it, the whole place is spotless. I’m surprised how neat and orderly Theron is, even though that’s more or less what I expected of him. He thrives on order.
“No, not really,” I shake my head. “It’s difficult to explain this feeling.” I sigh, trying to come up with the right comparison. “I guess it’s like a very dangerous roller coaster. You’re on it and it starts moving. Everything is fine, you know? Then, it starts to accelerate. It’s going faster and faster, and you can still convince yourself that it’s OK, you’re doing fine. Then, you reach the top and your whole world turns upside down. You’re plummeting, getting dizzier by the minute, you feel nauseous, you feel horrible, you want to rip your own skin and jump out of it, because you feel like it’s not your skin anymore. But, the ride goes on and you get worse and worse, you’re unable to get off and all you can do is scream and close your eyes and you try to grip something that isn’t moving, something that’s stable, but there’s nothing stable, because the whole world is moving. And, it just goes on and on, getting worse and worse, until you can’t take it anymore and your own body shows you mercy by just switching off at some point.” I finish my monologue quickly, out of breath.
Zarael doesn’t say anything. I don’t really expect him to. Then, all of a sudden, he says something that makes me think.
“You know the difference between danger and fear?”
I frown for a second. Fear is something that holds you back. Fear is something that controls you, that paralyzes you. If you let it in, it becomes your master. The color of the world disappears and everything turns grey. Those are the thoughts inside my mind when he asks. And danger? Well, danger is a specific situation, a specific person.
“One is a particular moment when something tangible happens and the other is your own reaction to it?” I reply, but more in the form of a question. I’m not even sure what kind of an answer he is asking for. But this is what I’ve got.
“You’re actually very close,” he replies with a smile. “I love the way your brain works. Danger is very real, it’s something out of your own confines, it depends mostly on the world around you. But fear, that is something you choose to feel. You allow it to creep inside of you and you let it take over.”
As I’m listening, I honestly feel like he’s taken a peek into my mind and saw all this, just before I replied to his question. I smile back, feeling a special moment between the two of us. But, the reality of our situation quickly brings me down to earth.
“I’m just sorry I ruined everyone’s plans,” I look down, slumping my shoulders. I feel the urge to cry again, but is there really a point in crying? It won’t help anyway. And, it just makes me feel even sadder, almost helpless.
“What makes you think that?” he looks at me in surprise.
“Well, Dex said you’ve got plans and now that you guys can’t go, I feel like I have ruined everything.”
“I doubt that,” he tells me honestly. “Dex’s plans are rarely ruined. He always finds a way to do exactly what he wants, or in this case, what he planned, so I wouldn’t worry if I were you. I’d just focus on getting better.”
At that moment, Theron barges in through the door. I try to read his eyes, the look on his face, but he is good. That poker face isn’t revealing anything. He enters through the door, leaving it open, then walks over to us and pushes another chair close to the table, so that now all three of us are sitting together. Both me and Zarael are waiting for him to speak first. Theron takes a deep breath, scratches the back of his head and then exhales loudly, even though it doesn’t look like it brought him much relief.
“Everything OK?” Zarael breaks the silence of a few seconds, unable to wait.
