Page 25 of Grumpy Dad


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“There you are, Ms. Fairhope. I see you’ve posted the cast list. Very good. The IT department assures me the WiFi will be back up and running in the morning. In the meantime, the students will have to deal with rejection like we did in the old days around here—publicly.”

Jewel clears her throat and says nervously, breathlessly, “Yes, ma’am.”

She snaps her gaze to me and I instantly understand why my effervescent girlfriend is struck nearly speechless by this woman. Headmistress Moody could scare the piss out of a person with one look.

“Hi,” I say dumbly.

“Ma’am, you remember Vince Cole, Max’s dad. He’s going to be helping us build sets.”

I hold out my hand. Headmistress Moody is not a large woman, but she shakes hands with the strength of a stevedore. “And helping you post to the bulletin board, I see. Well, if the two of you are quite finished with this arduous task, I trust there are more labors to be undertaken elsewhere. Perhaps somewhere with a reduced chance of being spotted by a random child. This is a school, after all.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I mutter.

When she turns and clip-clops away, Jewel covers her mouth to keep from screaming. I feel like I’ve had a bucket of ice water dumped on my head.

“Why do I feel like I just lost fifty points for Gryffindor?”

Jewel gasps and points at me. “Have you actually been reading the books?”

I shake my head. “Max is making me watch the movies. Don’t even start.”

Jewel laughs silently and smacks my ass as we walk away.

24

Jewel

Shelley picked up Max from school again this afternoon for a sleepover, but I only allowed her to take Max when she promised me it wasn’t an imposition.

“Are you kidding me? For one thing, Max keeps our girls from fighting with each other. Second of all, I’ve never seen Vince so happy.”

I rear back. “How can you tell? His face doesn’t change! He has three expressions: mad, annoyed, and confused. I’m barely learning to distinguish them, one from the other.”

She laughs. “Trust me, I can tell.”

Max gives me a high five and grunts when I chirp, “See you Monday, buddy!”

Like father like son.

The phrase pierces my heart a little, because I don’t really know the fate of those two. All I know is that whatever happens, I’ll be there for both of them. Still, hanging in the air are some things that Vince and I need to talk about. Such as, how can he be ready to love me and Max if he doesn’t love himself?

25

Vince

I have a hard time convincing Jewel that I can be buried nine inches deep in her and still carry on a heavy conversation. So we compromise. I get to play with her boobs while she talks to me about the important things we need to discuss, on the condition that I reply with more than one-syllable answers.

I think I’m still getting the better end of the bargain.

My suspicion is confirmed once I’ve got her on her back, nestled in one of the gigantic bean bag chairs in her living room. It’s like she never wants to leave a kindergarten classroom.

We’ve decided to play it safe regarding Max’s grandmother’s spies by sleeping over at Jewel’s place, at least for the time being.

Jewel’s tight red sweater is hiked up around her armpits and I’ve jerked down the fabric of her bra with my thumb. The voluminous round flesh spills out in a pink wave, and her nipples greet me, already taut and ready for my mouth.

I kiss the tip of one nipple sweetly, gently, barely brushing it with my lips. The other gets the same treatment.

Jewel is doing her best to hold it together.

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